A Christmas Mission
by Demenior
Summary: It's Christmas break and Atlanta's going to find a 'certain someone' for the holidays. Problem is, she has no idea who this person could be. Better yet, the people she lives with are more liable to drive her insane before Christmas is over.
1. Meet Atlanta

Hello there, it's Atlanta. Atlanta Dara if you want to get technical. I'm everyone's favorite no-skirts-kick-butt-super-fast heroine, descendant of Atalanta the runner. Not Artemis. Artemis was a virgin. I am a descendant, see the non-existent connection? Virgin means no children, meaning no descendant.

I live in a little house that the Greek gods own and I live with five boys and one other girl. There's seven of us in all. Sounds fun, don't it? Here's the catch: We all run double-lives fighting this crazy evil god by night and then, in my case, sleeping through school and getting by with meager grades.

Meager. Odie, one of the guys I live with, uses fancy terms like that a lot. 'This schoolwork is meager' or 'Cronus's meager plans will never win him a victory against us'. Weird. I should go pick out some fancy word from the dictionary and use it a lot to annoy him.

Anyways, after a rather peaceful night, believe it or not, I'm sitting here in math class and actually able to stay awake. It's quite something, especially since I've never, and probably never will, needed numbers as an important part of my life. Oh, look, I caught _one_ deer! I see a herd of _32_ deer. I live with _six_ friends. It all sounds so stupid to me. Hm, maybe if I counted stuff more often I'll get a sense of why I need to know all this junk. My guess is they made it up so that we have something useless to make us scream in frustration when exams come around again.

Let's see… _one_ pencil, _one_ big textbook, _one_ binder for paper and assignments, _one_ calculator… _one_ very angry looking teacher standing over my desk. Well, maybe she counts for _half. _She so small she's smaller than me! I'm surprised no one has stepped or sat on her yet.

"Miss Dara! I'm sick of your daydreaming in class all the time! This is a working class, where people work hard and become fine mathematicians."

Cue my _fifth_ lecture, out of _six_ classes, of _one_ day.

"Are you even listening to me?"

What? Oh, right, lecture. Look scared and nod when she pauses.

"Good, I'm glad we had this chat. Now get back to work."

Mrs. Half-a-person walked away and I closed one eye and crushed her between my finger and thumb as she stomped off. Atlanta plus a negative Mrs. Half equals nothing good.

Hey, math is actually turning out to be interesting.

I go back to my work, long enough to scribble in a doodle of her getting shot by a (one) laser. Then, I hear a wonderful and glorious sound. The bell. Which means the _end_ of school.

"Saved!" I cry and jump up, throwing everything together in a jumbled mess. I dash out of the room and race for my locker. I when I say race, I mean _literally_ race.

Think of the fastest person you know, then smarten up and go look in a Guinness book for the actual record, then multiply that by like a hundred, and you'll have pretty much how fast I can go. I think. Wow, it did it to me again, math I mean.

So I was at my locker and throwing my stuff into my backpack as fast as I could, while everyone else was loitering, yes I do know some fancy words, in the halls and saying goodbyes and making plans. If you don' know why, go crawl back under your rock in the middle of nowhere because Christmas Break starts today! Hurray! Freedom!

I really have no idea of what I have for homework. No need to fret- it's Christmas. I throw some books from the library into my bag and then on a second thought I grab my dictionary from the top shelf and kick my locker closed. I click the lock closed as fast as I can and then turn to fight my way through the crowds of people in the halls. Most of them very close and a lot were very, _very_ close- if you get my drift.

You see, ever since this whole mess with the Greek god of the forest, me, teenage hormones, hypnotic music and killer plants, I've been looking for someone. Being with a guy, even if he wasn't really a human guy and was being controlled by our arch enemy, woke something up inside of me. I've tried ignoring it, but seriously, everywhere I look there are guys _everywhere._ Also, I'm sick of being classified as 'Single' or DD- 'Desperate for a Date'. Yet, I still can't see anyone so far who would want to be my boyfriend, or who I'd want to have as a boyfriend.

Well, that's not quite true in itself. There is Archie… Yeah, Archie Storm- currently my best guy-friend, maybe even my _best_ friend, and also fights along side me to defeat Cronus. He's the one with the bad fashion sense, wearing a blue hoodie and blue-yellow shorts and sandals most of the time. Even said, the sandals are because pretty much nothing else fits around his ankle brace. Archie is the direct descendant of Achilles though he must not have inherited any of the womanizing Achilles is/was famous for. Archie's as dumb as a door hinge to me whenever I try to get him to _notice_ me, in the dating sense.

It's not that I try at every turn to seduce him, and I honestly don't walk around being sexy or wearing skimpy clothes to get his attention, and thinking of that now maybe that's the reason I have no boyfriends? But it's just not me and I want someone who likes me for who I really am, me, Atlanta.

Anyways, so I started reading my dictionary aka my 'How to Annoy Odie With Over Two-Hundred-Thousand Words' book while pushing my way through tons of people.

_Okay, let's see. _

_Abattoir… no way- that's a slaughterhouse! Abdomen? That'd make me sound creepy. Abhor? Naw, I don't talk like that. Aborning? Nope, don't like the sound of that. _

I stumbled as someone crashed into me and very quickly reacted by shoving them back into the crowd. Staring at these pages was making my head hurt. See what I go through to annoy you Odie? I finally stopped reading it page by page; that was something Odie could do, and flipped it open to a random page. There was nothing good on that page either, I quickly found, and so I opened yet another page. Hopefully I'd find something good before my brain exploded.

_Kith? It sounds good, but it almost seems _too_ short. Haha, I should use kitsch on Archie sometime. Kleptomania? Sounds good- but no one I know has a 'persistent, abnormal impulse to steal'._

_Onus? A burden, unpleasant duty? _

_Bingo. _

Slamming the book shut, I threw my arms up and cheered, unfortunately, my cheer also came out.

"Yes! I found onus!"

An eerie silence followed. But thankful for me, teenagers nowadays are very well known for their short attention span. Even more thankful, I wouldn't be seeing these butt-ugly faces for a long time now.

Chatter resumed quickly and I sighed with relief.

_Way to go, Atlanta. You are _sooo_ lucky you're not coming back tomorrow._

I was about to take another step when massive, muscled arms wrapped around my stomach and the boy threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He bowled through the rest of the kids like they were noodles… or cotton. Let's not mention food to Herry when he's on a mission.

"Hey, Herry! Put me down!" I scream. I may be used to being tossed around by giants or ancient Greek monsters, but this is just embarrassing!

"Hold on, Atlanta, we're almost through," Herry laughs. I punch him in the back for a reply.

Herry's a great big, loveable, farm-boy, teddy bear. He's as strong as anything, maybe being a descendant of Hercules might have something to do with that, but I bet he eats his veggies. Even the ones that look like they came from another planet. He's so cute though, in a teddy-bear way, with his fuzzy sideburns and his mop of brown hair. Olive skin and a huge build, I bet he's like nearly seven feet tall. But that's just me… and I'm still hovering at Five foot four.

I gave up, knowing that Herry won't let me down. That's when I noticed Odie and Neil tagging along behind Herry and sprinting a little to keep up. My cheeks began to sting form the wide grin on my face.

"Herry, put me down, I'd hate to be an _onus_ to you," I deliberately said onus slowly and loudly, so that Odie would hear. He sighed and rolled his eyes and tried not to get caught by my trap.

"Zip it Atlanta. We just want to get out of here," he sighed.

Aside from Odie, who probably had an extra head growing in his spoof of hair, I was the shortest. And youngest. But only by a little.

Odie was African-American, had dark skin and a ferocious appetite for women. Too bad he'd already fallen in love with Calypso. That nymph who Odysseus, Odie's ancestor if you haven't guessed, stayed with for something like ten years and she's never gotten over him. He goes to see her from time to time and _loves_ all the attention he gets from her.

Neil, even I must admit, is a walking beauty for both genders. Perfectly styled blonde hair, which he checks every thirty seconds in his three-paneled mirror, bright blue eyes and perfect complexion and designer clothes. He's everything a girl could ask for or want. Except for one thing. He loves only himself. Yup, he's the descendant of the guy they named the flower after- (or maybe his parents were at a lack of names or rushed when he was born and named Narcissus after the flower?) –Narcissus.

I pouted and remained hanging lifeless on Herry's shoulder. Suddenly, I felt a large rush of cold air on my rear and the world became blindingly white.

"Kay, Herry, put me, your _onus_, down! I'm done being your _onus_!" I called loudly, and saw Odie roll his eyes and fight the urge to correct me on my use of the word. Now, I know that it's not the coolest thing to do to bother and annoy your friends all the time, but I guess I'll have to learn that the hard way sometime. Herry isn't exactly the smartest guy around, and he knows that I like to tease Odie, but he knows how to get back at me for bugging his best buddy without really getting back at me.

"Sure thing Atlanta."

Wait, something sounded different in his voice. Like he was smug. Why hadn't he put me down right away? Was he walking to a snow pile to dump me in? Was he going to dump me into his truck (what a kind thing for him to do!) what was he planning? I tried twisting to see around him, but it was no use.

"Herry! Just put me down now!" I begged.

"Hey, Archie, catch!"

And suddenly I was airborne.

I wondered if this was what it was like to be a bird. No feeling of the ground and only air all around you. Or maybe a football after someone throws it in a nice spiral. All I needed was a good receiver, and if Herry's aim was true, then I had one.

"Ommf!"

The wind was knocked out of me and my face was pressed in the snow, but other than that I felt pretty okay. I was only a little, itty-bitty bit worried about Archie. For all the good things I say about him, he's a lightweight and a bit of a complainer. Probably just because of his heel, which causes extreme pain if he bumps it against something while not wearing his brace, but in other terms he's just a wimp.

"You're heavy," Archie mumbled, lifting his head. I grinned back at him, for a moment lost in his blue eyes. He doesn't have blue eyes like Neil; his are more grey and darker. There's nothing really abnormal about them or sparkly like you always here about with the signs of love. But they were mesmerizing in their own way, rather calming really. Or maybe it was my weird liking of eyes acting up again.

Yeah, I like looking at people's eyes. A lot. They're so pretty and, like they say, a window to the soul.

"Love you too, dork," I heard myself reply, half wishing he were saying those words to me. Without the dork would be preferable, but beggars can't be choosers.

So here I was, lying sideways across Archie's abdomen. Where had I learned that word? Right, reading my 'How to Annoy Odie' book. Back on topic, I was lying on his abdomen, staring into his eyes and playfully flirting with him. You'd think someone would sort of notice that I haven't scooted away all embarrassed-like but was feeling quite comfortable. That's not Archie.

He shoved me off into the snow, the jerk, and stood up as he dusted himself off. See what I mean by ignorant? But being the nice guy he is he pulls me to my feet and I brush myself off of loose, cold snow.

"Arch, sorry, but you're okay, right?" Herry asks as he, Odie and Neil trot over.

"Yeah," Archie snorts, "but you need to work on your throw, Herry, she hit me sideways." Archie gives Herry a friendly punch on the shoulder.

"Oh really," I feel arms grab me around the waist again, "go long, Arch!"

"Herry!" I near-shriek, "I am _not_ a football! Use Odie as your foo- _onus_ instead!"

I bet Odie's sick of me already. Which is good, 'cause I'll get him a nice present for Christmas so he'll know I still love him? In the brother-sister way.

"Onus?" Archie echoed, "and what is that supposed to mean?"

"It's like a burden, or an unpleasant duty," I explained. Funny, I'm still on Herry's shoulder.

"Sounds like Jay," Neil finally added in, admiring himself again in the mirror for the gods-know-what this time.

"Where are Jay and Therri?" I asked Herry.

"They finished school early so they went out," Archie replied for him.

I gasped, "Not fair!"

Archie nodded, "My thoughts exactly."

Frowning again, I realized I was still on Herry's shoulder. You'd think something like this would, I dunno, make me happy to be getting all this attention from guys? Especially these cute guys. I admit it, every guy I live with could be a good boyfriend, except maybe Neil but you know why, except I only love them in the brotherly sense. Except maybe Archie, but he's in his own category.

I wiggled on Herry's shoulder and he didn't move. Yeesh, he can be so dense sometimes! Forgotten me already, ouch. This called for drastic measures. I rolled against the arm holding me on his shoulder and the next thing I knew, I was airborne again. For about five seconds as I fell seven feet and somehow landed on my rear. Hey, maybe I'm part cat and if I'd had a longer fall I would've fallen on my feet?

"Atlanta, you okay?" Herry suddenly cried, realizing I wasn't on his shoulder anymore.

I slowly got to my feet, rubbing my hind gingerly.

"Yeah, yeah, I think I'm alright," save for my dignity, tailbone and that poor cement I fell on.

"Well, we might as well head back, I guess," Herry shrugged.

"Race you to the truck, 'Lan!" Archie called to me.

Oh, so he thinks he's going to take advantage of me because I'm injured and can't run? I think not. Just you wait buddy, I'll kick your butt with a broken, bruised butt! Now, where's the truck? I should be able to muster up enough speed to make it to the truck before I become totally immobile… hey, I don't see it anywhere. There's still plenty of cars here, and Herry's truck is very big, but I can't see it. Archie must have been thinking the same thing,

"Herry," he said, "where's your truck?"

"It's in for repairs. Needed some good snow tires and a few other little things that needed Hephaestus to look at," Herry shrugged, beginning to walk towards the Brownstone.

"What?" I heard myself demand, as did Archie, Odie and especially Neil. Wow, Neil had actually heard that? I thought he was still admiring himself. The surprises don't end.

"Yeah, besides, walking is way better for you, don't you agree guys?"

Wait, he was talking seriously? When it's like way too far below zero to be normal here and when I can barely walk? He's got to be kidding, lease let him be kidding.

"You're serious," Odie gaped. As smart as he was, Odie grew up in a warmer climate more down south. I guess he doesn't have the same immunity to cold and snow we sort-of have. Hey, I still get cold and sick in the snow. Except Archie, he doesn't get sick. Which makes it really annoying when you do.

"Completely," Herry looked at us with bewildered, hah; I used another cool word, eyes. _He_ didn't see the problem we did. By vehicle, it took us a few minutes to drive to school, but on foot it could take, like, _fifteen_ minutes. _Fifteen_ minutes in the killer cold. _Fifteen_ minutes could morph into _twenty_ minutes or even _thirty_ because of my poor bottom. Excuse me while I go hail a taxi.

"Herry, we need o drive! It's insane to go walking in the middle of winter, we'll freeze!" Archie complained. He doesn't get sick, so you can see why I call him a whiner.

"It's way too cold. This dry air could _kill_ my perfect complexion!" Neil shrieked. Even I can't hit pitches that high.

"Atlanta, what are you doing?"

Oh, who, me? Nothing, just standing on the side of the road with my thumb pointing in the direction I want to go. Someone, please stop. Please stop- oh! I think someone's stopping! Yes they- never mind. It was the street cleaners.

"That's illegal, Atlanta," Odie told me in his flat no-nonsense explaining voice. I snorted.

"Well I want a ride!"

I heard Herry crack his knuckles and chuckle, "That can be arranged," he said.

Help?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Yay, new story! I've been wanting to write a story from someone's perspective, possibly Odie or Herry because they don't get all that much attention- but that'll be another time. Atlanta wanted a story and she wouldn't leave me alone!

Anyways, I'm not too good with this Point-of-View (POV) and so I tried making it a little funny, though my humor is about as fun as a needle. Not at all. But if it made you laugh or giggle at any part that's good!

And I hate to say this, because I don't think I should have to, but **please** don't ask about 'Demons Within Me' and when I'm going to update it. I'll let you know I'm going through a lot of difficulties with my computer and so DWM is a little hard tow rite right now. I'll get it updated soon enough though, just be patient.

Thanks again,

Demenior


	2. She's Gonna Eat Me

Hey there, Atlanta again. You know, back there when Herry was coming at me and Archie grabbed me from behind and all- thanks a lot for helping me out. You know, you were such a big help.

Anyways, now I'm slung over Herry's shoulder like something he hunted down, no doubt getting various looks from other people as we parade down the streets. The guys sure think its funny though, and they keep making little comments here and there or pointing and laughing so that their faces turn red. Even if they're already red from the cold. But they are smart enough to stay out of reach, though I dare one of them to come and make a remark to my face.

"Comfy? Can I get you anything?"

"How's the Herry express?"

"Stop scowling Atlanta- your face will freeze that way"

"Aww, you get to snuggle up to Herry-poo to stay warm."

And people wonder why I seem to have these alleged 'anger issues'. Also, it also goes to prove more just why I can't date any of these guys. They're all so immature. Except Jay… but he's like… off-limits. Think back to a while ago, when Herry told us that jay and Theresa had headed out after finishing early. You probably bet they went to party because they were done early and wanted some time before the 'Brats', also known as Herry, Neil, Odie and Archie. Hey, if you add all their first initials together you could spell Noah. Funny.

Well, back to the topic at hand, Jay and Theresa probably went out and had some cute, flirty moments at some little café with hot coco, and then headed home and cuddled up on the couch but the moment Noah and I walked in, or in my case, got carried in, they'd spring up and pretend nothing had ever happened. But Theresa would crack eventually and spill everything to me. Oh, the benefits of being the only other girl.

Though it wasn't all that great. With three floors, only two of them were used for sleeping arrangements, though Odie slept in the basement, but the guys leave the toilet seat up all the time. Let me tell you, when you drank too much at dinner and it's the middle of the night and you're dead tired; you don't have time to notice little things like that. I can't count how many times I've fallen in.

Anyways, I share the lower of the two bedroom-floors with Archie and Herry. I still haven't figured it out, but one of those two can stink up the place like they've eaten fifty stink bombs and they all come out and set another fifty off at the same time. I swear I've nearly died and preferred to hold it and nearly wet myself than dare go in there when it's that bad. Lucky Theresa gets to share with Jay and Neil, the cleanest and most tolerable guys, hygiene-wise. I think I keep getting the short end of the straw here.

Punching at Archie, who dared come close enough, I obviously missed and he easily stepped out of the way. Stupid jerk. Oh, how I wish I could tell him I've liked him all this time, but we've gotten so close- as friends- that I'm a little reluctant too.

Herry starts whistling a tune and I groan as I recognize the song 'Do Your Ears Hang Low'. Guess I'm his Hunter-man's Bow. Hey, what's that sound? Is someone dieing? Oh no. No, no, no. Why me? Why me?

The Noa of the Noah is _singing_.

Don't bother pitying me, I'm just going to burry my face into Herry's nice, big poofy coat and slowly die away. Hey, maybe Herry could get hit by a car, since it probably wouldn't hurt him, and it'd send me flying and I'll hit the ground so hard that I'll get amnesia or stay asleep until my true love wakes me up with a kiss. That'd be nice.

"Ohmygosh! Is she alright?" I heard a woman cry. Surprised, I turned my head so I could see around Herry's bulk.

"I thought I heard someone screami- oh." She stopped when she saw me looking at her.

Oh, Archie, Neil and Odie's singing sounds like a dieing person's screams? Now that is something I won't let them forget anytime soon.

"Naw," Herry laughed, "she was just complaining about walking home so I'm carrying her."

"Home? She lives with you? Where are her parents?"

Suddenly, I wasn't laughing anymore. Parents? Was I _that_ small? Did she think I was some kid? Thanks a lot lady, I'm almost done high school for your big-fat information.

"Huh? Oh, no, we're all going to highschool together. We live in a Brownstone just a few minutes away," Herry tried to explain.

Remember back when I explained how Herry is like a teddy bear? You see, he's so cuddly and gullible in lives in this sense that there's good in everyone. And he always brings out the good in people too. It's impossible for people to hate him. Impossible unless you were the most heartless, cruel, spiteful inhuman thing on the planet- no, in the entire universe or even _all_ the universes if there were more.

And this woman happened to be one of them.

"A young girl lives with you? Alone? She's barely a youth- nothing more than a child! You are sick men taking advantage of her like that! I should call the cops on you unless you hand her over to me right now and I'll take her to a good, caring home."

Excuse me? Barely a youth? Hardly more than a child? This woman had crossed the line _big time._ Adding on to that, I could feel Herry stiffen under his thick coat. He was insulted and confused, not knowing what to do faced with this.

"Herry, put me down," I growled. He did as I told him to, carefully. I turned to glare at he woman as menacingly as I could.

"You have no right to accuse my friends like that! We were goofing around and Herry was just nicely explaining the situation to you! But you won't listen and are convinced that they're doing wrong! You are a heartless person and you're really mean and stupid! For your information I am fifteen years old and perfectly capable to take care of myself! In fact, me and my friends are saving the wo-"

Who dares cut off my rant? I was on a roll! From the lack of nervousness of closeness to my body, considering I can feel his breath on my ear, it's an easy guess to who cut me off from letting out our secret and sounding like a total freak. Archie.

"We'll be leaving now," Archie replied, freakishly calm. And yet, his body is rigid and I bet that he's prepared to fight this woman if she 'threatens' us anymore. Oh, he's very angry. Maybe he secretly likes me and is really angry at the thought of losing me? And if this woman took me away he'd go to all lengths to rescue me and finally confess his love as we rode away on his motorcycle into the sunset and-

Whoa, Atlanta, get control of yourself. Dramatic situation here.

The woman was startled, staring unbelievably at us, and most likely because Archie had slapped his hand over my mouth and prevented me from blurting something out. Without any warning at all, and believe me I would have seen it coming, the woman lunged forwards and grabbed my wrist, almost jerking me completely from Archie. He grabbed at me and grabbed my wrist, and for a brief moment, my hand, but this woman was unbelievably strong! She must've been, like, an ox in a past life!

Ox-Lady had a heavy build, black eyes and brown fuzzy hair that almost curled up into horns. Wow… she _was_ an ox!

I was jerked away from Archie and the Ox-Lady kept pulling me towards her. Oh geeze, she was going to _eat_ me! Hey… it's a lot colder without Archie or Herry to warm me up.

"You'd better stay away from her if you know what's good for you!" she shrieked at the guys. And then in a whisper to me, "I know you aren't fifteen- you're too young. Don't worry, you don't need to lie about your age. I'll take good care of you until we find you a good home or your real parents."

"Me-what, no!" Take care of me? Medium-rare or well-done Oxy? I know what you're planning!

"Let go of me!" I pulled against her, bracing my feet against the icy ground.

"No, you can't go with those… men! I know what they've done to you! I can help!"

I heard many gasps and 'What's' from around me. Great, now a whole bunch of people had stopped by to see me get eaten by Oxy-Lady.

You know, I'm really quite fine with my body and happy with my overall self. But this was one of those times where I was loathing being small. Oxy was winning this tug-of-war and that meant foster homes and adults who weren't my parents!

"You won't take me alive!" I screamed, and kicked her in the shin. She howled and dropped my wrist promptly and the law of gravity kicked in. Have I told you how much I despise science? Hold on, give me a moment to say hello to the ground. Everybody now.

Hello ground.

I felt extreme pain from where I'd hit the ground before, rolling off Herry, and I had a feeling I was going to bruise and probably not be able to walk for a while. That'll really, really suck. And it'll be all Oxy-Woman's fault! That makes Atlanta _angry_.

"Just get away from me! I don't need you! My friends are taking good care of me and I bet my parents would like to have a good word with you too!"

The woman starred at me a long while, then flipped her scarf around her neck and galloped away. Stupid Ox.

Archie helped me up again and I felt definite bruising on my bum. I was so angry I was shaking, or was I just cold?

"Hey, 'Lan, you okay?" Archie asked quietly.

I nodded quietly, and unexpected tears were springing to my eyes. Quickly I blinked them away, how stupid would I look if I suddenly started crying, especially in front of the Noah. I'd never live it down.

"Sorry, Lan," Herry mumbled.

Aww, poor big, strong baby. He was probably pretty upset with being yelled at by Oxy.

"He, no problem, Big Guy," I gave him a grin despite the fact that I wanted to storm off. In fact, I tried to do just that and get everyone moving again. But a sharp pain shot up my leg and I winced. Something in the back of my mind was whining at me like another protective adult. Immediately I dubbed that voice 'the Mother'.

'Work that leg any more and you could have a major tear going on! You won't be running for a few weeks!' the Mother cried.

"Atlanta? You coming?" Odie called. The guys, heads down, had started walking again.

"Uhhh," I wondered what to say, "my leg… really, really hurts. Seriously."

(((((((0o0))))))

You have to love these guys.

As annoying at the Noah can be, they all do have big hearts. And some of them even bigger ego's to match. Not pointing any fingers at, say, Neil and Archie, but I'm not saying anything.

Anyways, Archie gave me a piggyback home and I nearly fell asleep with my face buried in his hoodie. When we got back, Theresa and Jay were chatting in the kitchen, just as I predicted they tried to separate when we got back. Herry and Odie explained what had happened on the way back while Archie deposited me in the living room.

"Thanks," I smiled up at him.

"Not problem," he nodded quickly. Did he look out of breath? Before I could ask him if he was okay, Archie turned and limped towards the staircase and most likely up to his room. I hadn't seen him limp in a while. Must have put a strain on his heel or something today or-

Oh no. He did something to it by carrying me! Archie's not all heavy-built like Herry or the Ox. He's a lightweight, like me, and has a terrible heel that he keeps reinforced with his ankle brace, but it often bothers him and so it's better if he doesn't stress it out. We still don't know if it'll kill him and no one wants to find out. And walking in the slippery ice and snow, while carrying me? Not good for him at all.

Stupid Atlanta. You should have seen that coming. It's been bothering him for a while now, but Archie's such a nice guy and you were only thinking of yourself. I went to get up to crawl or limp my way up to Archie to apologies, but I got stopped by bright orange-yellow hair and a yellow-purple polo shirt. So bright! My eyes burn.

"Are you okay, Atlanta?" Theresa asked worriedly as she sits down beside me.

Theresa's my best girl-friend. She has insanely long orange hair, streaked with gold-yellow. Today she was wearing a favorite outfit of a form-fitting red tank-top and blue bell-bottom jeans. She was also the resident psychic of the group and the descendant of Theseus. You know that guy who killed the minotaur.

Jay was stock-still as Theresa and I talked quietly and I kept glancing at him out fo the corner of my eye. He was way too mature for his age, always with a solemn expression on his face and gazing out into nothing. Usually his thoughts were, in this order:

Cronus, Cronus, Cronus, Theresa, Cronus, Cronus, Cronus, Theresa, Cronus, Cronus…

I think you get the idea. His usual outfit was his yellow-with-purple-stripes polo shirt and dark blue jeans. He has nice, I assume fluffy, from Theresa's descriptions, brown hair that seems to be streaked with light and dark shades. Altogether, he's a rather attractive young man, but I won't hurt Theresa by trying to get his attention, and besides, he isn't really my type.

Jay sighed, finally speaking up, "well, let's hope that's the last we see of her. I'm sorry you had to go through that Atlanta." He talks so quietly it's a wonder anyone actually hears them with all the racket the Noah and myself can make.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." I wave them off, in my mind still thinking back to Archie and wanting to go apologize to him for hurting his ankle and I just feel really annoyed, and a little freaked out about the encounter with Oxy.

"I- I think I'm just gonna go lie down for a bit, kay?" I told them with a half smile.

Getting to my feet is a little tricky, but with one step I realize that I am going to be limping for a long time, and even that hurts a lot. Jay and Theresa watched me worriedly as I shuffled my way over to the stairs and then began to pull myself up.

For once, I'm glad I live on the lower bedroom floor. It go past Herry's room and open Archie's door without knocking. He was lying on his bed, bad foot propped up on a pillow with the brace off, and reading some book while listening to… no way.

Archie listens to opera.

He jumped at my sudden appearance and I stagger over, taking the spinny-chair from his desk and sitting down in it. He hid the book, hoping I hadn't seen the cover but I did. 'The Iliad', but I didn't really feel like teasing him right now. Maybe another time.

"Hey" I started off.

"Hey," he replied slowly, a little nervous because he'd been caught reading poetry and listening to opera.

"How's your heel?" I looked at his foot. His heel did look a little swollen and was probably painful as anything.

"Okay, I guess," he flashed me a sheepish grin. What a man, doesn't want the girl to know he's in pain but he's probably been complaining about it to the guys the whole day.

"I'm sorry- it's my fault it hurts, isn't it?" I blurted out before I had a chance to think over the words.

Archie blinked stupidly at me, like some brain-dead cat. Nice, Atlanta. First you feel sorry for him, then you're comparing him to a retarded cat.

"I'll be fine, just need to take it easy for a while."

I spin the chair in a complete circle in relief. When I get up, the stinging pain in my leg is back and the crawl to my room seems a whole lot further away than it was before. Before Archie could say anything though, I flopped down right beside him, careful of his heel. He sorted and moved over so I could fit on the bed.

"My leg hurts," I muttered and stuck my foot up by his.

"Suck it up, princess," he replied with a smile.

I gave him a punch in the arm, "So what screamy, non-English junk is this?" I motioned to his stereo which was letting out some for of rock and roll and high-pitched voices.

"Phantom of the Opera. Quite a masterpiece actually," Archie rattled off as he went back to his book. He held it close to his face, trying to block me out, but I could see the embarrassed blush on his cheeks. Hah!

I spent a while bothering him by trying to 'help him read' his book, poking him in the side or trying to sing along to this Opera-Phantom thing. I think I'm starting to get sick because some of the words are actually making sense!

After a while though I just got tired and closed my eyes. Today had been a fairly normal day, but I just felt exhausted. It'd be cool to spend more time with Archie, like this, just the two of us. But then that'd mean we were probably dating. Heck, it'd be nice just to actually be _dating_ someone.

That's it! I'm going to get a date before Christmas Break is over. That'll be my new-years resolution or whatever.

Problem is, I have no idea who I want to date.

((((((0o0))))))

It's kind of funny how you never realize you're asleep until someone's waking you up and you only think you closed your eyes for a second. In this case, it was Herry waking Archie and I up. Turns out we both fell asleep, Archie still had the book on his face and I'd wound up going spread-eagle and draping and arm and leg across him. Herry was forced to swear on his life not to tell anyone.

My leg, and myself overall, was feeling better after that nap. Everyone was gathering downstairs for some planning on how we were going to spend our Christmas Breaks. I knew how I was going to spend mine, looking. Should be something fairly fun to do.

Archie was still limping a bit, but I was walking much better. It just hurt to sit down I found out soon enough.

As the meeting progressed, I found I was still fairly tired and didn't pay much attention to what everyone else was saying. Everyone kind of wanted to hang around for our first Christmas together, which seemed like a pretty good idea to me. I was debating whether to fall asleep against Archie or the couch when Herry and Odie stood up. They'd been acting odd for the past couple of days, disappearing into the basement and writing lists of stuff they wouldn't let us see and going out and buying boxes of stuff we weren't allowed to know.

Odie cleared his throat, "We are pleased to announce that this year we will have our first ever…"

"Christmas Party!" Herry cheered, "everyone's going to come. The gods, Calypso, Aolus, everyone!"

Dead silence filled the room, and I found my voice to be the first to cry out.

"Our _What_?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Suspense! So now everybody's coming out to visit, thanks to the loveable Herry and the easy-to-annoy Odie.

Just to address some questions-

Archie **does** like Atlanta, except **she** is ignorant to his feelings. From her point of view though she thinks he's the oblivious one.

And onus is a real word. I flipped open my dictionary to find it. I just don't think I've really used it correctly here, but that's okay, Atlanta doesn't know any better.

Demenior


	3. Love Triangles Equal Problems

Atlanta again, sorry, I'm really busy. Theresa and I, upon finding out the room arrangements we had been placed in, had immediately begun barricading our door and prepared several means of escape in case anyone unwanted came in.

Look, I love the Greek and everything, the food's okay, but their mythology is full of rape and 'taking young, virgin maidens' and all that junk. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not get _that_ far into the mythology. Oh, Herry and Odie have really, really pushed their luck this time. They had good intentions- but it just didn't react as nicely as they'd hoped. The guests were scheduled to be arriving sometime in the next couple of days, and so Theresa and I had wasted no time. I was now sharing a room with Theresa, in her room, where we'd also be sharing with four other girls as well. I was just _so_ eager for this party to get started. Please note the sickening amount of sarcasm used.

We were also clearing out my room of ay, eh-hem, _unmentionables_ that I did not want the guys to find out about, or find at all, because Archie, Jay, Herry, Neil and Odie would be cramming into my poor little room. Surprisingly, when I'd asked why, Herry had explained that it was courtesy form the guys to give up their own rooms and he and Odie knew that Theresa wouldn't want to give up her room. Meaning, I wasn't a girl- I was one of the guys. I'm still pretty steamed about that.

So, this party sounds very fun. Don't you agree? I think I'll probably enjoy myself when it finally starts, but the lead-up and sudden surprise are going to kill me before I get to say hello to any guests.

I was still limping around from my 'war-wounds' earlier today, but moving all of Theresa's things around isn't too hard. I'm still on-edge because of Oxy's attack and Theresa dropped a box behind me once and I nearly flew through the roof. I think I'm so scared because I found bruise marks on my wrist from where she was grabbing me. Creepy? I think so.

A knock on the door make my stomach flip- you never knew who it was. Theresa answered the door and it was Archie. Theresa went back to work without a hello. Something must've happened, again, between them today.

Theresa and Archie have never been the best of friends; they tend to argue too much to have a nice relationship. Archie always calls her a 'Drama Queen' and she calls him a 'Jerk' or 'Dumb Jock'. It's actually kind of funny when you step back and watch.

"Hey, 'Lan. Herry and Odie need some supplies for _their_ party," he stressed the 'their'. Theresa snorted in agreement that this party had everyone freaked, and no one really wanted it, "and I was wondering if you wanted to run to the store with me?"

"Sure," I nodded. This could be a good chance to observe Archie for my 'Atlanta's Lookout' project this holiday.

"You gonna be okay, Therri?" I asked. I didn't want to just leave since we still had some work to do.

"No problem, Atlanta," she winked at me, her back facing Archie so he couldn't see it; "you go have some fun. I'll just get some man power in here."

I rolled my eyes. Theresa has this crazy theory that I'm heads-over-heels about Archie, but really I'm not. He's like my best friend, and if I was desperate I could ask him to be more, but I really like him as just a friend.

"I'll tell Jay you're in need of assistance," I replied with a wink of my own. Archie coughed impatiently from the doorway and Theresa rolled her eyes at him. I giggled and walked over to my purple-haired friend.

"You look rearing to go, Dork," I commented. He did look better than he had lately, probably because his heel was feeling better, but really I just wanted to use his little pet-name on him. Archie is a dork, above everything else. He reads poetry, listens to opera, acts macho in the presence of anyone, and is insanely arrogant and very oblivious to other people's feelings.

"Let's just get this over with," Archie muttered.

"Come on, cheer up and feel some Christmas spirit," I linked arms with him and dragged him down the hall. He followed without objection, probably scowling behind my back about not being able to sit in his room and read his dorky poetry and listen to his dorky opera.

"Wait," I stopped and looked at him, "we're not walking are we?"

((((((0o0))))))

We took a taxi. It drove us just two blocks down to the mall and we ran, careful not to slip, into the mall, but I still tripped on the guiding tracks for the sliding doors. Wow, we have got to be some of the laziest kids I know.

Archie and I took our sweet time getting to the grocery store, which happens to have just the loveliest name ever- 'Foodie Foodie, Yummy Yummy'. Archie and I took a lot of time doing very mature teenage things.

We made faces in the reflections of windows, got yelled at by the managers for scaring their customers away, begged for a free hamburger from a fast-food booth and then ran before security was called on us. We nearly got into a fight with a group of idiots who thought I just happened to look like someone else they knew and started taunting us for no reason. We all ran as some security guards came into view.

Archie and I also made fun of manikins and confused locals by running up to them and speaking gibberish really fast. Arch and I, we're the most fluent gibberish people you'll ever meet. Someone actually replied to me one time, and thought it was all funny, so I left before they stopped laughing. We pretended to fall into the fountain and had to trust each other to catch us before we got wet, even though I knew Archie wasn't really falling. If he got too close to the water he'd start panicking. We tested out some neat gadgets at a little electronic booth and nearly bought a cool remote-control car that can flip and all sorts of crazy stuff, but realized that it was getting late and we should be heading back right away.

So we finally arrived at Foodie Foodie, Yummy Yummy and split the list between ourselves. It was a race to see who could get done first, since everything we do always ends up as a competition. I was getting several things without really bothering to look at them. Let's see, what was next on my list? Eggnog? Yuck, who'd want to drink that stuff? Stupid people with no taste I guess, or, a _lot_ of people with no taste because I had to get five bottles of it. Just how many people did Herry and Odie invite?

I also had to go and secure the order of deserts that we were buying form this place, so I bounded over and hoped that there wasn't a line up. If there was, can I be blamed for hoping Archie slips in another isle and gets delayed until I can beat him?

Fortunately, there was no line so I went up to the desk and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And… I finally saw the bell. You know that super-shiny silver really loud bell that they always have in the cartoons that drive people insane? Yeah, one of those. So I rang it. Like a madman, er, _wo_man I guess.

A cheery, short Asian many trotted up to the desk and hopped up on a stool, bringing him to me height.

"What I get for choo?" he asked me quickly.

"I'm, uh, here to, like, secure the order of all these desert things for a party that my friends are hosting."

"Mistah. Muscle and Mistah. Brains?" the man demanded, sticking his face further over the counter and into mine. Didn't this guy know anything about personal space? I leaned back a tad. Oh, right, the names. Ha-ha, it was just like Herry and Odie to use guy names instead of their real ones.

"Yeah, yeah, that's them."

"Peh-cool-eur names! Are they gay?"

Excuse me, _what_? Creepy little man! He was practically leaning over the counter and I was leaning so far back I was probably flat on the floor. He was staring at me intently, with this strange little twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

"Two Mistah's in de same house is odd," he added, probably trying to de-confuse me. Not really working, but I sort of got what he was getting at.

"Uhh, _no_," I told him slowly, making sure he understood what he was saying, "we, and four other friends are boarding together for _highschool_."

He gave me a long look, "And just how old are you?"

I high-tailed it into the isles after throwing a well-made cake in his face.

I grabbed what was left on my list and headed for the tills where I would beat Archie.

I was running fast but why did my feet feel so heavy? It was because of the party- which couldn't be all that bad because Herry and Odie would never do anything to ruin our lives, but both of them could be extremely dense at times, and they said _everyone _would be coming. I stopped dead. Did that mean _he_ was coming too? It would be just like Herry and Odie to invite _him_. My stomach churned, though not quite unpleasantly, at the thought of _him_.

I beat Archie, by a step. But it was close, even though I told him I was letting him feel good about himself by coming close to beating me. He, truthfully, almost did. I'd almost forgotten about our little race, though I won't tell him that but I was more worried about the flip-flops my stomach was doing at the thought of running into _him_ again.

"Archie," I began slowly as we headed to leave the store, a large number of bags carried between us. I think my hand was going numb already.

He looked over to me with a raised eyebrow, "Yeah, what? Don't tell me we forgot something?"

"Do you think…" I wasn't sure if I should be talking to Archie about this. I mean, last time _he_ and Archie met it was because _he'd_ been controlling me and Archie was fighting to get me back. What a sadly romantic story, except usually the bad guy dies in the end and the hero gets the girl. I'm still single and _he's_ still out there somewhere.

"Do I think what?" Archie asked, "that this party is going to be the end of my sanity?"

I remembered something and quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure we weren't being followed by creepy little cake-men, "The guy I went to buy the deserts from thought Herry and Odie were, well… queer. And when I told him that we, as in the gang, was just living together he asked me how old I was."

Archie snorted and burst out laughing, "No way! Man, 'Lan, you've been getting picked on about your age all day…" he paused momentarily, "wait. It can't still be today."

I looked a him, "Why not?"

"Because we slept. That nap, or sleep, had to be longer than an hour or we wouldn't feel so refreshed and healed and that means it should've been dark by now."

The thought slowly sunk into my brain. I'd spent the _entire_ night with Archie? Wow… that was… new.

I smiled and looked ahead, going to make sure I didn't trip on the step down as you left the store, but something caught my eye and everything melted away except for his face. He was standing there, just a few feet away and walking closer. He saw me, I know he did, and he smiled and called out. I'd completely forgotten about the step again and I tripped- again. I heard two people call out my name as I fell, and one pair of arms caught me. A dandelion grown to impossibly-large size had caught the bags I failed to hold on to in my fall.

"Hey, you okay?" Pan asked me. He was wearing the same outfit, with the adorable hat and the white and blue/purple shirt and the baggy beige pants that hid his goat legs. Yeah, this is Pan, as in Pan the god of the Forest, as in my first boyfriend.

Excuse me while I pass out.

((((((0o0))))))

Guess I was only out for a minute or something because I woke up and I was still in Pan's arms. Archie was still standing frozen, staring in shock a Pan's appearance and me in his arms. I shot up awkwardly,

"Thanks," I said quickly. I went to pick up the bags hat the dandelion had caught for me, but Pan grabbed them.

"Here, let me," he gave me a gentleman's smile. It made my insides turn to mush and I nodded meekly. You see, I don't hate Pan for what he did to me. I just felt… empty after he left. And I don't think I ever did get over him. He's quite attractive, a talented musician and loves the outdoors like I do. If he were just a bit more human and had less of a dramatic past with the gang, and me especially, I'd take him as my one-and-only right here and now. But, sad to say, he was half goat and had a bad introduction to the gang. Being controlled by Cronus and dating a member of the team to get close to us isn't exactly the best way to start off.

"Wh- Ha- Yo- Gnee-" I stammered. I told you earlier, Arch and I were the supreme masters of gibberish, but I think I was surpassing him because right now I don't even know what I'm saying.

"What are you doing here?" Archie cut in, his tone already dangerous and struggling to hold back from getting very, very angry.

"I got to the Brownstone for the party and heard that you guys were out getting groceries. Thought I'd come by to help," Pan smiled calmly at Archie, and from all the time I'd spent with the DJ, I knew he was uncomfortable around Archie and was trying to make amends. Yet I also know that Archie wasn't so quick to forgive, he can hold a grudge for a long, long time.

"Yeah, well, we're fine on our own. Aren't we, 'Lan?" Oh no, Arch, don't pull me into this. I just fainted for crying out loud! Stupid, immature, best-boy-friend!

"C'mon, let's just get back," I said slowly. If I got angry right now I knew it would only end up badly. Pan was trying to be nice and Archie was just being a jerk, simple as that. Calm Atlanta, calm. Think of your happy place…

Okay, not exactly working because my happy place happened to be in the arms of the guy I was going to chose, so really, I had no happy place.

I started walking, stiff-legged so I was probably getting a good long stare from people who might be thinking I was doing the goose-walk. As I walked my brain circulated over what Pan had said.

'…_got to the Brownstone for the party…'_

'…_for the party…'_

'…_party…'_

Party. As in, the one Herry and Odie were organizing. As in, the one that everyone else was coming to. As in the one that was going to try and span the length of my entire Christmas Break. Oh Zeus. Strike me now! I was going to be trying to find a guy while having gentleman-Pan who can melt my insides out with a single gentleman comment, and Archie who was my best friend who I was still unsure about and a house full of (most likely) drunk Greek immortals and…

This party officially sucks.

Pan and Archie finally caught up to me, one on either side and each of them carrying an equal amount of grocery bags to try and outdo the other How they had gotten dragged into this, I don't know, but knowing Pan he was still trying to be a gentleman and Archie was still being the jerk.

"Can I help you Atlanta?" Pan asked. Meekly, I mumbled something that sounded vaguely like a 'thank you' even to my own ears and handed him the bags from one hand. I don't think I'd be able to carry all of that all the way home without passing out again. Archie snatched the bags from my other hand without saying anything. Nothing was really working for me anymore, so I couldn't really thank him if he had asked. My insides were mush and pudling in my feet which were growing increasingly heavy.

Get a hold of yourself Atlanta!

'Can't go around puddlin' after every nice boy you meet' the Mother warned me. Good advice.

The walk home was a very awkward, tense one. Archie and I had been having so much fun earlier, but now he was just being an idiot. Why couldn't he just move on and stop being so sour to Pan? And why did Pan seem to know what was going on? What was I missing here?

Finally, we arrived back at the Brownstone. I hadn't realized it until we walked inside, but I was completely frozen from head to toe. I threw off my heavy coat, which hadn't seemed to do much for me, and kicked off my boots. Archie had found some boot that could fit around his brace and he put them out of the way, since they were custom-ordered for him he didn't want them getting wrecked, and hung up his coat. After a moment I realized he was coldly ignoring Pan who was still waiting for further instruction on where to take the heavy bags he was holding.

"Th-the kitchen," I stammered out, pointing down the hall. He nodded and trotted away. Archie followed a few seconds later.

Scowling, I went and collapsed into the living room. Stupid, stupid Herry and Odie! This was all their fault! This stupid party had brought stupid Pan back making stupid Archie act jerkier than ever when she was supposed to be looking for a… a… _boyfriend_.

I shivered as I thought. What other surprises could this _lovely_ party hold? Hey what was- holy sheeee- oh, never mind, it was just Theresa. Phew, I'm getting paranoid over nothing.

"Atlanta, I heard that Pan came but the guys had already sent him off before I could warn you and you didn't have you PMR so I couldn't call you and I'm so sorry you met up with him without any warning and I hope everything went okay and was he nice to you and how was Archie and did you feel really weird and do you still like him?" speed-talked Theresa, Queen of gossip so she was very fluent with speed-speaking. I was amazed she hadn't gotten a job as a rapping superstar yet. For her entire rant I was only able to nod my head as she spoke.

"It- it's okay, Theresa. I forgive you, Archie was a jerk and Pan was a gentleman and… I don't _think _I still like him… but I don't know," I sighed and collapsed back into the couch. Why wasn't I born a turtle so I could go crawl and hide in my shell, or back to my earlier theory, from yesterday?, about me being half-cat, and then I'd go hide under the bed and hiss at anyone who came close. Life would be easier of I was a cat.

"Oh, Theresa cocked her head to the side as if struggling to remember something, "Herry wanted to see you and I can't wait to tell you about how Jay helped me clean up today," she gave me a friendly wink and I rolled my eyes in natural response.

"Unless you two finally confessed your love, or better yet might be expecting _kids_," I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at her, "then I don't want to hear it." I stood up and left an open-mouthed, red-faced Theresa sitting on the couch. I rounded the corner to look for Herry, but ho-hum, my big mouth might have just gotten me in trouble again because guess who was standing around the corner, and is now stock-still with the same red-faced, open-mouthed look as Theresa. Oh yeah, Jay. Jay, the guy who's probably going to kill me the moment he snaps out of this trance. I ran all the way to the downwards flight of stairs and flew the entire way down. Well actually…

I fell all the way downstairs, taking the entire flight in one mighty trip.

I woke up lying on Odie's bed with Herry and Odie wondering if I was dead or not.

"'M 'live, guys," I muttered, reaching up to rub the bump on my forehead. This past twenty-four hours had turned out to be _fun_. Just look at what had happened so far.

"Thank the gods! I was so worried!" Herry grabbed me in a bear-hug. Oh no, I survived the fall only to have Herry kill me in a spine-shattering bear-hug. I guess Odie saw my eyes popping out of my head like balloons, because he called Herry off me.

"Did you finalize the order for the desert menu?" Odie asked.

Oh, right, _that_. That was where I'd run into that freaky little Asian guy, right?

"Uhh, no. The guy thought you were both…" I wondered which word to use, "_homo_."

They had been about to yell at me, I knew it, but the angry expressions fell from their faces in an instant and they both just stared at me. For a very, very long time.

"I got him in the face with a cake," I added in, hoping they'd stop staring. Herry and Odie both sighed with relief.

"Well, I guess Athena can cook up a storm if she wants to," Odie shrugged. Herry went o leave.

"I'm calling for a refund," he called back.

I got up to go as well, "Apparently Theresa has some interesting gossip she wants to share with me. Sorry to be such an _onus_ to you, Odie!" I called as I turned to go up the stairs.

"Atlanta, wait!"

What now?

"Aphrodite's called ahead and said that she was going to bring a special guest," Odie told me.

"So? What does that have to do with me?" I was sore all over and now I wanted to go back upstairs, and all the same, I was worried about the Pan/Archie conflict also going on. Maybe I should stay down here… I'll live under Odie's bed and he can feed me and in return I'll let him do crazy experiment on me. Sounds good, what do you think?

"She said he was excited to meet you- especially you," Odie peered at me over the rim of his glasses, looking me in the eye. I shuddered. Anyone who Aphrodite's brought could only mean one thing- she knew I was feeling desperate and was looking to help. This could only end in disaster.

"'Kay, thanks for the heads up," I slowly headed up the stairs. Was that little dent in the floor from me? Who could Aphrodite's possibly bring that might 'help' me? Was my second toe longer than my first? Why was that Asian guy so rude? Was I banned from 'Foodie Foodie, Yummy Yummy' for life? Then I heard a scream.

Funny, it was one I hadn't heard before. Not a girl's scream, but a man's scream. I knew Neil's by heart, Odie was downstairs and I had heard Herry talking on the phone. Archie had a higher pitched voice and I doubt Pan would- no _way_. I sped up the rest of the stairs and shot into the kitchen to find everyone staring at a petrified Jay whom Theresa had been offering a little cup of eggnog too.

_Jay_ had screamed. That was impossible. He'd fought tons of monsters without breaking a sweat. Okay, exaggerating a little, but can you blame me? This guy is _solid_ and nothing surprises him.

"What? What's wrong, Jay?" Theresa asked.

Jay turned away but I had seen the embarrassed blush creeping up on his face, "I- I don't like eggnog."

What the heck?

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Interesting much?

I think my humor went down a little in this chapter…

Anyways, introducing Pan! Now we have a triangle and we know that Aphrodite's is bringing a surprise guest just for Atlanta! What will this mean for our heroine?

Will we learn Jay's secret and why he reacted so darkly to the eggnog? Tune in next time to find out!

And I just want to make this clear to people- when I say that this 'Asian guy' was 'rude, obnoxious, creepy' or anything like that, I don't mean actual Asian people, or just in plain people who live across the Atlantic Ocean form me, are all like that. It was only this guy because I like his somewhat Chinese accent.

Also, I can't believe I've forgotten this but:

Disclaimer: I do not own Class of the Titans ( © Studio B Productions, Teletoon and Nevada) and Foodie Foodie, Yummy Yummy is owned by someone else, seriously, and I don't know who.

Demenior


	4. So It Begins

Okay… that has got to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Atlanta, here, and if you've just joined us Jay has just told us about the little fact that he doesn't like eggnog. Like, as in _really _doesn't like it. After he _screamed_. Yeah, Jay. Screamed. As in that thing that Neil does if something's not right and it shatters your eardrums.

"Well, that's okay," Theresa said slowly, pulling the eggnog away from him.

He looked upset that he had freaked her out, so he took a breath and then continued, "I- Theresa, look. I have this… this _problem _with eggnog."

Neil finally happened to get interested in this conversation, "What? You drink too much and you end up peeing for hours. I hear you buddy; it's like that for me and cranberry juice. Take one sip and then I'm stuck standing like forever and-"

I held my hand up, "Enough, Neil, please." He shot me a sour look but I ignored it.

Alright, so Jay no likey the eggnog, Neil can have no more cranberry juice as long as I'm around. Why would he want to drink that stuff anyways? It's disgusting!

Pan was sitting at our little island-counter-thing and Archie was leaning against the wall, glaring at him. I shot Archie a glare to try and tell him off and sat down beside Pan. Silence stretched out for a few minutes until Theresa broke out of her daze of having her dream-boy, Jay, shriek at a cup of gross liquid, and drank the eggnog herself. Is it just me or was Jay watching her intently? Either he found woman drinking eggnog highly attractive, or… he wanted the eggnog himself? Then why would he scream? Alright, so this was up to me to learn Jay's Dark Secret of Eggnog.

"Where are you staying?" I asked Pan as people began to move around again.

He gave me a warm look and then shrugged, "I think your friends put me in Archie's room."

I swear I heard Archie's head snap up. A few seconds later he stormed up the stairs to clear out his room from anything Pan might get that could be potential blackmail-useable. That's it, I'm going to have to take that kid to a therapist, _soon_. He needs help.

Wait. Why is Pan staring at me? Is he going to kiss me? He'd better not! Oh, right, conversation. We were talking. It's my turn to say something.

"Well, uh, that's… cool." Cool. I said it was cool. I like Pan but I don't like-like-_like _him anymore! Why am I getting so tongue-tied and sounding so stupid?

"Yeah," he smiled. We sat in an awkward silence. He readjusted his blue hat so that his horns were still hidden. Man, this was unnerving. How do I know what he's going to do next? What can I say? Should I just run away? Should I make an excuse? Should I go help Archie? Should I buy new socks? I mean, these ones I'm wearing are starting to look a little thin in some places.

"Finally," Herry sighed as he walked in, dusting his hands, "I got that done. Our desserts will be on their way tomorrow."

"Hello, Herry," Pan said as nicely as he could, like he had to try and get on Herry's good side.

"Hey, Pan! How are you? It's been forever since we saw you last time!" Herry charged forwards and must've startled Pan with his bone-crushing hug because I'm pretty sure I heard Pan squeak.

See, isn't Herry the coolest? He's like my big brother, and I love him more than I could really love any brother of mine. I've learned a lot from him even if he's only a year older than me. Yeah, I'm the youngest in the group, and I'm pretty sure Herry's the oldest. Herry, Jay, Theresa and Neil are all sixteen, and I think Theresa's the youngest out of that bunch and Neil's the second oldest, making Jay a bit of a middle-man. Between Odie, Archie and I, Odie's almost sixteen, which reminds me I need to buy him a cool present, and Archie and I just more recently turned fifteen. More recently is in the time that we were battling Cronus, and yes I've been fourteen years old and fighting an evil god, but when duty calls, you must answer. Archie is older than me, but only by a few days. Odd, eh?

But yeah, Herry's my big brother and I'm his little sister I guess, and we just have this special connection together. I mean, pretty much all the guys on the team are my big brothers, and Theresa I pretty much my best friend/ the sister I never had, and we're all just one happy family. And then along comes Archie. Since Archie is so close to my age, I think this natural bonding thing occurred, and I was so grateful to find someone else who loves to go running, hiking, play sports, jogging and training with the gods as much as me. Over the time we got closer and closer and I thin that's why we argue all the time, because we're both at the same immature age that we can't agree on anything. Wow, that's pretty deep even for me.

Herry and Pan were chatting up a storm and laughing together. Good, I just knew that Herry wouldn't be so tough on Pan. He's too nice for that. Pan must've said something really funny, and I missed it, because Herry just started howling with laughter and brought up his hand and… slapped Pan across the back. And I watched in horror as Pan was thrown from his stool and skidding across the floor.

"Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry!" Herry was leaping after Pan in a second. It must've been tough learning how to control his strength and growing up with it, yeesh, I'm glad I'm just fast.

"A little old to be crawling around, aren't you, Pan?" I heard a smug voice. I jumped up and trotted over to where Athena, standing on one foot and precariously balancing a few sheets of cookies and a few cakes on both hands, obviously dodging Pan who had come flying in. Said satyr was looking up at her stupidly, red-brown dreadlocks falling over his face. He blew them out of his eyes and slowly got up, picking up his fallen hat and sat it over his horns.

If you haven't clued in already, Pan appears human when he's wearing this outfit. What you can't tell is that under his funky blue hat he has two yellowy horns and he doesn't have the human legs his pants make you think he has. Instead, he's got reversed knees, a whole lotta red-brown shaggy hair and a cute little goat tail. He's a satyr or half-goat if you want to get technical and Greek god of the forest. He was also my first boyfriend.

Pan got up and dusted himself off, "Never to old for anything Athena," he laughed. I love his laugh, honestly. It's so pure and happy. I found myself giggling a little and Herry, now content that Pan wasn't hurt or angry with him, was laughing as well.

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all…

"Oh NO!" Herry shrieked. If you've ever heard Herry shriek… don't. It's very unsettling and makes you fear for your life. Herry growls, snarls or roars. He does not shriek. It shouldn't be possible. I'm going to have to go talk to Odie about this freak sound.

"What?" Athena asked. She's a little scared, so that makes two of us. Hmm, something else looks different. She doesn't seem to be as old and wrinkled, though she was one of the youngest-looking gods of the bunch- that's it! She had made her appearance younger! Wow, she looked… beautiful.

"I forgot to clean up! We can't have a filthy house when the guests arrive!" Herry turned and ran out of the kitchen so fast that I was amazed.

Athena snorted grumpily at this, but continued getting her snacks and appetizers ready. Athena is the Greek goddess of wisdom, and our housekeeper. She keeps this lace so spick-and-span it's almost unnatural. Even so, Herry has this thing with germs. I think it's called germaphobia or that he's basically a germaphobe and can't stand germs. At all.

So you remember me telling you about the bathroom of doom I share with Archie and Herry? We have to use sani-wipes and special sanitizing soap or else Herry will have to sterilize they whole thing for fear of getting some weird, unheard of disease. Seriously, the biggest, as in tall, guy I know is afraid of the smallest possible thing. Germs.

I started walking over to Pan and opened my mouth to speak when the doorbell rang. I spun on my heel and walked over. It rang again, and I wondered who on earth could be so impatient. Theresa came up behind me as I opened the door, and stood stock-still in fright.

Standing before me were several people of which I was happy to see, and had hoped I would never see again.

I saw wonderfully youthful handsome and beautiful versions of Hera, Ares, Zeus, Artemis, Apollo, Hermes (he hadn't changed that much) Dionysus, Hades, Persephone, Hephaestus, a human Poseidon, and a youthful, human looking Chiron.

Also among this big group, actually ahead of them and pushing their way through the door, were two scowling girls whom I had never expected to see in my entire life. Medellia, the descendant of Meda who was a witch and she caused us a huge pain in the butt on an earlier mission, and Talia- aka Sybaris- the vampire who had broken Herry's heart and tried to kill us all. What were they doing here?

Not to mention Echo, the loudest, most talkative, most annoying nymph you'll ever meet, and Calypso. Odie's ancient nymph-girlfriend who hardly looked a day over twenty-five. Little wonder why Calypso was here, though I wondered if Echo was here to see Neil, since she'd been in love with Narcissus earlier, but she dumped Neil last time we met so maybe she was just here for the party. I scanned the crowd again, good, no Aphrodite's and no mystery relationship-solver guest.

"Uh, welcome, come on in!" I said after realizing I was leaving everyone outside in the cold. All the gods were younger, beautiful and handsome and slimmed up again. As they all entered I noticed several unknown nymphs and laughing satyrs following the large group. Figures, you throw and mythological party you get mythological guests.

I was helping some nymphs learn how to hang their coats up as I heard Hera scolding Dionysus again.

"Now, I know we're all very old but these are young children who are not at the age to be consuming alcohol. I want none of your tricks at this party Dionysus, and besides, be grateful they were kind enough to invite you," she hissed, probably reminding him for the millionth time by the way he tiredly nodded his head. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight and then ducked away when Hera turned my way.

"And you actually _live _in this pigsty?" a flat voice asked. Okay, giggles are now gone and I'm clenching my fists in frustration. Medellia was just not a very nice person, and now she had Talia/Sybaris to back her up. Herry and Odie, I love you, but I'm going to kill you.

"_This _is our home. We like it here," Theresa replied just as coldly.

Talia glanced in my direction and I opened my mouth to make a snarky comment but then Odie popped up with his big dopey nerd-grin on,

"Girls! So glad you could make it! You'll all be staying in Theresa's room together, since you girls love to chat the nights away and all," he laughed.

Love to chat the nights away? Excuse me buddy, do you even realize who you invited? Echo can chat _years _away, but put the rest of us together and expect us to chat _nights_. I'm going to butcher you!

"Odie!" Calypso cried, wrapping Odie in a huge hug and giving him a big, wet kiss. I turned to face Theresa when the two of them fell onto the couch. Not something I want my poor fairly-virgin eyes to see.

"Ohthisisgoingotbesocoolwegettospendallthisbondingtimetogethernadwecandoeachother'shairandeachother'snailsanddototalmakeoversandchatallthetimeandbecomebestfriendsandwecandosomecookingfortheguysandmaybewecouldallpullsomepraticaljokesontheguysormaybeevengetakissfromoneofthemwhatdoyouthink?Ithinkitwouldbesocool!" I stared blankly at Echo, not even understanding what she had said. If you really want to know, you'll have to have a lot of free time to get through all that.

"Oh be quiet, nymph. This is a party, you get drunk and lie down with the guy you want- just get him drunk enough too. That's how you have fun," Talia flipped her brown hair over her shoulder. Funny, what happened to her accent?

"Yeah, well, that may be how you _Ancient _Greek people party, but this is the modern era. We usually dance and hang out," I snapped.

Talia whipped her head around to fix me with a cold vampire glare that made me shiver. The next thing I know she's being picked up and spun around by a very excited Herry.

"Talia! I'm so glad you could make it!" he cheered.

"He'ley! I am so happey to see you!" she laughed, her accent back. The mean words I had jammed in my throat as I saw how happy my Big Bother was, and stayed jammed. I needed a drink, badly.

"Guys! You remember Talia?" Herry asked. How could I not, I almost replied, but checked myself, "she's decided to turn over a new leaf. Isn't that great?"

I couldn't answer. Sure, maybe she was nice to you while you were around, but she was still as mean as ever.

"Uh, yeah, that's… great, Herry," Theresa relied for us. I nodded in agreement. Theresa didn't like this either, at least I still had her to back me up… nevermind. Jay just walked in and Medellia made a direct beeline for him… now she's just… _hanging _off of him. No, she did not just glare at Theresa! Alright, I just lost Theresa as she stormed over to Jay and Medellia. I reached over and grabbed the lamp on the coffee table before it flew up and hit someone, courtesy of Theresa

Alright, everyone was starting to mingle and we had some party sounds happening. Loud laugher, lots of background chatting, it just sounded somewhat normal. Cheers went up as the appetizers were brought out, along with drinks which I glanced at Jay when eggnog was set out. He managed to pull away from Theresa and Medellia while the stared each other down and headed straight for the food and drinks. Was he? No. He wasn't.

Jay looked around quickly to make sure no one was watching him and poured himself a cup of eggnog. Why would he do that if he just _screamed _at the stuff? It made no sense at all. Hmm, maybe he had some sort of addiction to it- I'd heard about people and addictions. Jay was trying to hold himself back but maybe the temptation was too much?

I sighed and went to go talk to him when there was a furious cry and all sound screeched to a halt.

"What Are You Doing Here?" Hera demanded.

I pushed my way through the crowd, seeing as even on my tip-toes I wasn't tall enough to look over the unnaturally tall immortals. I found Hera staring down Talia/ Sybaris. The Queen of the gods' long silver hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and looked like moonlight to me. Who would've guessed that her hair was naturally grey? She, like the rest of the gods, looked much, much younger than what I was used to.

"I 'vas invited 'ere," Talia replied, accent as strong as ever, "just like you."

Hera seemed like she was about to start a fight right there- which was something I had never seen her do before, unless you count that wacky New Years last year when we were transported back in time to the Titan War and we saw her, Hades, Poseidon and Zeus kicking some major butt. But instead she lowered her fists and turned away, leaving some parting words over her shoulder,

"Harm anyone here and you will suffer more than you ever have." Everyone let out the breath they had been holding, even me, but then Herry decided he didn't like anyone treating his girlfriend that way.

"Hera," he said in his loud voice- cue silence again- "Talia has promised already not to hurt anyone. She said that she wants to change, and I for one believe in second chances." He stared Hera down with his big, puppy-like brown eyes and Hera nodded slowly before returning to Zeus's side. Looks like he was already getting 'friendly' with a nymph.

Over the returning din of voices I heard the doorbell ring again and I fought my way back, rather politely pushing some rather perverted satyrs out of the way. Thank you whomever gave the gods their immortality for making Pan a tall, rather gentlemen-like, hippie satyr. I don't know what I'd have done if he were as… _gutter brained _as his companions.

I opened the door to see a smiling Aphrodite. She looked exactly the same as usual. Or, as it just me, but had that beauty mark on her face grown? Oh no- what if it was taking over her face! I took an involuntary step back from her. It was then that I realized that the churning in my stomach wasn't because I was freaked out of her mole; it was because of Odie's message. Aphrodite had brought a guest that would 'help my love problems'.

I opened the door a bit wider and caught sight of something… Oh!

Shiny! It was so pretty and shiny it reflected all the light perfectly, completely perfect. It was just so… shiny and captivating. I wanted to touch it but I was afraid I was going to ruin the marvelous surface it was like… well, completely unblemished and a perfect gold color. Mostly round and-

I only heard two words as something huge tackled me.

"My wife!"

((((((0o0))))))

If you're as confused as me- you're lying through your teeth. First I see the goddess of Love and then I see the beautiful golden thing and then some huge brute knocks me to the ground shrieking 'My Wife!'

Interesting? I think so. I'd be more interested if my life wasn't being squeezed out of me and I was being pushed into the floor by this sheer weight of this mountain! I tried to call out for help or scream or something, but all I think I did was perfect my act of a fish out of water. You know, mouth gaping and not making any sounds. All the time this guy was shuddering like he was _crying _and muttering 'My wife, my darling, darling wife'. Psycho much?

Then I heard loud footsteps and someone shouted some very nasty words, but they were like music to my ears because only one person I knew used words like that in such a high, somewhat nasally voice.

Super-Archie!

Archie ripped the guy off me and someone pulled me to my feet, and right then I could've laughed that two enemies, Pan and Archie, had teamed up to save me. What a cliché, but I was too out of breath. I could imagine myself as some super-gorgeous women in a superhero movie with a huge chest and wide hips and a perfect face waving goodbye to my heroes and blowing them kisses with my huge, red lips.

'Thank you Super-Archie and Pan-Man! Thank you!'

I snorted to myself at the thought. Super-Archie and Pan-Man. What can I say, I'm a genius.

"Are you alright, Atlanta," Pan asked calmly. In the background I could hear Archie swearing and the man-mountain was still blubbering about 'my wife'.

"Yeah," I gasped, "wh-who is that?" I looked at the man Archie was terrorizing.

He had scruffy red hair and bright blue eyes that were staring at me intensely. I shuddered. He seemed to be only a bit older than us teens here, with a well-muscled build, giving him that added weight, and thoroughly tanned skin. He was dressed in modern clothing, a dark red T-shirt and jeans, but seemed out of place in them. He'd be much more comfortable with a loincloth and a club, running around hunting mammoths, I guessed.

"This," Aphrodite smiled warmly, almost smugly, at me, "is Meleager. He's come to solve your lack of romantic interest."

I choked on the comeback that had gotten stuck in my throat. This was the guy who'd married my ancestor years and years ago! No wonder he was going on about the whole 'my wife! My wife!' thing, but… shouldn't he be, I don't know, _dead_.

"I've bargained with Hades to let Meleager come up to visit you. Isn't this wonderful? I'll leave you two to get acquainted," Aphrodite giggled and then joined the party.

I stared at Meleager. This had just added to my growing list of problems, drastically.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

/coughs/

/gets shot for making Atlanta's life worse/

I'll leave you to your own thoughts now…

/limps away/

Demenior


	5. Jay's Secret

"So we have a few rules that you'll have to obey in the house-"

Oh no! He's coming over this way! Quick, Pan-Man, shield me!

"Sorry, no room here. Just stay over there for now," Pan-Man whispers kindly.

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you! I love you Pan-Man! The Husband is leaving again, back to the other side of the room where he'll continue to watch me. Creep.

Super-Archie nudges closer to me and I relish at the feeling of his knee and shoulder against mine- because he's not trying to touch me in inappropriate places or ways, and he's not trying to hug the living daylights out of me and scream 'My Wife!' Pan-Man scoots closer on my other side, both protecting me from The Husband who is watching me with tears in his eyes form the other side of the room.

"-and with that we just want to remind you all of a few fun little Christmas traditions that we've set up. At all times in this house you have to remember these rules and follow them. For starters, no one can open the presents under the tree until Christmas morning when everyone is awake. Also, if you see anyone- boy or girl- under the mistletoe, give them a kiss. Where you kiss them is up to you," there were some chuckles before Herry continued, "but you have to kiss them once."

I paled drastically as The Husband's hand shot up, "Does this mean that if I get my Wife under this Mistle-plant, then she will have to kiss me?"

"Well, yeah. And I bet your wife will be dieing to get you under that mistletoe," Odie winked at Meleager, not understanding who his 'Wife' was.

Super-Archie and Pan-Man each took one of my hands, but didn't know that they were doing the exact same thing. Wow, I'd been getting like no attention from them, except for them trying to be nice to me, and now they were both all over me- protecting me from Meleager.

Long story short: Aphrodite's brought this guy from the Elysian Fields because I seem to have a 'lack of romantic interest'. So when I see the guy, he holds a golden apple to my face and obviously I can't look away, because it's just so beautiful! Only Pan was able to look at it without being completely captivated by its beauty and now had it stored under his hat. So after the guy tackles me, Archie rips him off and yells at him, then when we try to leave him, he runs after me and starts trying to ehem, _grab _me in places I'd rather not discuss, Pan and Archie give him and good shove, with hoof and fist, and then we ran in here where Herry was just about to start the meeting. Meleager was introduced to everyone, and no one knew of this conflict that had just happening in the front hall.

And now I was convinced Herry and Odie were out to ruin my life. They will pay.

"Alright, you can go back to partying now!" Odie told everyone. A cheer went up and everyone jumped up and flooded the house.

I got up with Super-Archie and Pan-Man with me. I was not going anywhere without them now. They were my bodyguards, and I was happy for the protection.

"Let's go get a drink," I told the guys, they nodded and followed me. Funny how quickly they can come over their diffrenc- nope. Archie just shot Pan and lethal glare, guess their big one-sided feud isn't over.

Hmm, punch looks like blood. Waaaayyy too red and sludgy for my liking. I moved on to the eggnog. Oh, great, people seem to be really slugging down on it. All of the bottles are empty. Might as well go get some, if I want anything to drink. Which I do, or I wouldn't be here at the drink table… looking for a drink- you get what I mean.

"I'm going to go get some more eggnog," I told them. Archie is still burning Pan with his Laser-Glare, and Pan is beginning to get shifty-eyed and nervous under its power. I turned and headed to the kitchen and had walked a few steps before I realized that they hadn't followed me. Oh well, I'd be okay, The Husband, as I'd dubbed Meleager, was being deterred by other guests for now.

In the kitchen, there were even more nymphs getting 'played' at by several giddy satyrs. Okay, me no want to see anything. Here's an idea, squint so you can only see ahead of you. It's good advice, but a lot harder than it sounds.

It probably took me an extra few minutes to reach the fridge because I could barely see anything and everything was so blurred that I thought everything else but the fridge was the fridge.

So when I finally made it, I opened the door and smirked at the apparent lack of _edible _food, then grabbed a few cartons of eggnog and kicked the door closed behind me.

Hey, what was that? That wasn't Meleager was it- oh lordy someone's running at me and they're drunk, how do I handle a drunk Greek? Wait, he's getting closer and it's, it's-

Jay?

Jay fell over at my feet and made feeble snatching motions at the eggnog in my hands. I could only stare at the drunken grin on his face. But Jay, drinking alcohol? No sense whatsoever.

"Gimme egggnggg!" he chuckled, still reaching at the eggnog from his position at my feet.

"Jay? Where did you find the alcohol?" I found myself saying, pulled the eggnog further out of reach. He had a rather drunken rosy color on his cheeks and his grin was definitely not one of Jay's usual facial expressions. Since when did Jay grin in the first place? Who was I to ask these things- after Jay screamed, the entire universe as we know it has begun to collapse.

Just as a guess, I shuffled to the counter, only half-squinting so I could keep an eye on Jay and not see the nymphs and satyrs behind me, and set the cartons of eggnog on the counter. I opened one and took a sip, right from the carton. I spat it out almost immediately- it still tasted as gross as ever, with no hint of alcohol. As for that fact, don't even ask me why I think I'd know if I tasted alcohol in the drinks. Maybe…

Dionysus.

"Egggggnogggggg?" Jay tugged at my shorts like a little kid from his position still lying on the floor. I held up a carton,

"Okay, Jay, just follow me and we'll get you some more… eggnog."

Jay's eyes lit up and he got to his feet and followed me with the smile on his face that might've said he was on cloud nine. So… why again would he be asking for eggnog if he (insert shudder) screamed at it and wouldn't drink it earlier? I was starting to think my addiction theory was correct.

I heard shouts, and my name included, and through the crowd I saw Archie and Pan waving and pointing, looking very guilty and scared. An odd combination for sure. Were they trying to charade to me? They must be scared that they forgot about me! Hah! That'll show them! If they're both superheroes, then I wonder if one of them turned bad… so who's the super-villain now?

I only realized what they meant a second before I would've died.

They were pointing behind me, my bodyguards, pointing _behind _me, which could only mean that what they were trying to protect me form had to be-

"My Wife!"

I threw myself forwards, hitting the ground with a hard 'oomf'. Meleager hugged the air tightly where I had just been, and before he could react I rolled out of the way. A loud bang beside me, and a flash of yellow, told me that Jay had a _serious _issue with eggnog, meaning he'd follow it even to the floor.

"Let's go Jay, c'mon Jay, let's go!" I urged him as I scrambled to my feet, looking around. There! In the center of that mass of nymphs, a flash of orange/red hair and his laugh I know anywhere. Dionysus! I snatched Jay's hand and dragged him forwards, which is a lot harder than you'd think considering he was following me everywhere. But seeing as how drunk Jay now was, he had this odd, zigzag, stagger-walk that swung my arm back and forth.

I kicked the nymphs out of the way, because my arms were tired up with Jay and the eggnog, and I stormed up to Dionysus.

"What have you done to this?" I shoved the bottle in his face.

He seemed to panic, and tried to wave me away, and finally understood what he was doing when Hera came storming over, seemingly in a red-hot rage. I looked around and couldn't see Zeus anywhere, ah-ha, that made sense. I'd be angry too if my husband was sneaking off with other girls.

"Dionysus!" she cried, "what have you been up to?" I guess she'd seen Jay, who was kneeling behind me and once again trying to reach around me to get the eggnog. I slapped his hand,

"No, bad Jay!" He pulled his arm back and gave me the biggest, cutest pout, with the widest and saddest eyes I'd ever seen. I gave him an awkward pat on the head, "just… hold on a while. Then I'll give you your eggnog." I swear he gave me a kitty-smile, you know, with the 'w' lips that just look too cute for any living person. I finally get why Theresa likes this guy.

"I-I swear I h-haven't d-done any-anything!" Dionysus stammered, paling to the point of looking like a ghost.

Hera eyed him suspiciously, then she turned to me and even I flinched. Jay hid behind my knees.

"Give me that drink, Atlanta." I was only too happy to comply. She waved her hand and a small goblet appeared in her palm. Gracefully, she poured herself some eggnog, tested it, and nodded slowly.

"There's no trace of alcoholic drink in this," she finally said, handing me back the eggnog. I stared. No way, then how had Jay gotten so badly drunk?

I turned around and waggled the eggnog over Jay's head, just out of reach. He still tried to get it.

"Jay, what have you been drinking?"

"Eggggggnooooggggg!" he whined. This was _so _not right.

"Answer me, Jay, and then I'll give you the eggnog," I told him sternly. Half of me wanted to scream and run in circles out of the complete whacked-out way this party was going, the other half of me kept thinking: I've always wanted a dog.

Jay gave me the cutie-pie pout again. No, Atlanta, get a hold of yourself! Don't give in! Resist, resist!

"No, Jay. Tell me what you've been drinking!"

"Egggnoooggg," he repeated. Oh, I get it. All he's had is eggnog. I turned to Hera and Dionysus.

"He says he's only had eggnog."

Hera nodded slowly, "I commanded that no alcohol was to be brought to this party…"

"I haven't d-done anything!" Dionysus put in.

I looked back at Jay, "So that means…" I looked at the eggnog carefully, no, there had to be another explanation for this.

"Eggnog has alcohol in it, right?" I asked.

Hera and Dionysus shook their heads. A loud, male laugh was heard somewhere over the noise of the party and Hera suddenly bristled up again. She turned and stormed off with her dark rain cloud spouting lightning over her head,

"Zeus!"

I turned to talk to Dionysus, but he had taken the moment and snuck away. Jay was still sitting on the floor, pouting up at me.

"Dude," I realized, "you get _hammered _on child-safe beverages?"

"Eggggnooggg!" he made the action of reaching for it again. I held it out of reach.

"Let's go to upstairs, Jay." I told him. I heard the Mother in my head again.

'Awww, you're first pet. I think I'll let you keep him- play nice!'

Since when did the Mother encourage my interaction with boys?

((((((0o0))))))

A whimper and I poured a bit more eggnog into Jay's cup then curiously watched him devour the drink. We were upstairs, sitting in the hallway, and Jay's as drunk as, well… a very, very drunk man. But get this; Jay gets hammered on non-alcoholic beverages. Currently, he's completely addicted to eggnog, which really does explain his fear of eggnog earlier, and why he wouldn't touch it in front of us. Guess he's too man to admit how badly he gets drunk off eggnog. Wow, I still can't get over that. I heard myself give a little snicker.

Wait, what's that sound? Jay's giggling too? Giggling? Well, I guess it's a given for a drunk man, no matter how serious he is when he's sober.

He pushed his bowl over to me and I gave him more eggnog. His face lit up so much, like he was surprised how his cup continued refilling time and time again. Then he was face-first in it and drinking himself bloated. That was so gross. How cold he drink eggnog? Without warning he lunged forwards and wrapped me in a bear-hug. Oh geeze! I thought only Herry could do these!

"You know, you've got a lot of _vermin _in this house," Medellia said, starring straight at me. I stiffened and shoved Jay away from me, oh; she did not just say that!

"What do you want?" I kept thinking of telling Jay to "sick 'er, boy!" but I resisted. She'd probably pull out some freaky witch-snooty-nosed-female voodoo on me or turn Jay into an actual dog. Hey, that might not be so bad- I'd just have to keep him on eggnog and no one would know where he'd gone.

"I was looking for him," she gestured to Jay, "that rich-girl thinks she can take him from me, but… it looks like you've done that already," her evil grin sent chills down my spine, "to think, you're her best friend too! Aren't you with that ugly purple-haired dork?"

No way, she did not just insult Theresa, me and then Archie! Not my best friends! I looked her right in the face, which meant I was on my tiptoes. Curse this lack of growth spurts!

"I think you mean Theresa, and she knows Jay way better than you do, Witch. And as for Archie, he's my best friend. You can diss me all you like, but you just went too far when you insulted them! Don't forget, I kept you pinned even when you had Medea's strength," I reminded her, furious.

"Oh ca'm down, gi'l," Talia said from behind me, grabbing me around the waist and easily pulling me aside with her inhuman strength.

"Get away from me!" I shouted and smacked her hands away.

Okay, not good. I had a vampire and a witch somewhat angry at me. What do I do? What do I do? Jay had crawled over and tugged at my shorts again. He opened his mouth to beg for eggnog again, but I pushed him away.

Talia burst out laughing at the sight, "You w'uld feet in at any pa'ty in the e'ld days," she told me. Remembering her description to Echo earlier, of her idea of a party, I felt my fists clench.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

Both Talia and Medellia opened their mouths, but another voice snapped all our heads around.

"Jay? Atlanta?" Thank the heavenly, it's Theresa!

Both Medellia and Talia flashed me chilling glares, and then fled into the darkness. Theresa came around the corner, looking around and spotted me pressed against the wall and still glaring at the wall across from me. I must've looked… I don't know, really angry, because I don't get scared, but she ran over.

"Hey, 'Lan, are you alright?" I was about to say more, but then an affectionate purple and yellow whale named Jay leapt from the carpet depths, crying Theresa's name happily, and then collapsed on top of her, pulling her back down to his carpet home.

Theresa was unable to hold onto his weight and she fell over backwards, Jay sprawled out on top of her, and shuddering from pain or pleasure I really don't know. Guess Jays an affectionate drunk, recalling that spontaneous hug he gave me earlier.

"Oh, uh, Jay, well, I mean-"

To save her any more embarrassment, I shook the eggnog, which still had at least enough to make a sound, you know, that sound that liquid makes when you shake it around in its container, and presto! Jay shot off Theresa and was at my feet again, holding his cup. How on earth he got the cup and got to my feet so fast I don't think I'll ever know.

Theresa sat up and blew her hair out of her face, "What… was that?" I didn't know if she was talking about Jay's whale-hug, or the fact that he was begging for eggnog.

"He gets hammered off eggnog," I explained, dangling the jug just out of reach. Jay whimpered and tried to give me the Pout. I turned away so I wouldn't see, "and he's a very affectionate drunk."

Theresa stared at me, then at Jay, "But he said he didn't like eggnog."

"He's addicted; he was just trying to resist temptation… I think."

When Theresa got to her feet, I gently tossed her the eggnog and Jay was over, whimpering and giving her the Pout, in an instant. I saw Theresa in a mix between looking completely scared and wanting to run away and jump out a window, or to sit and scratch Jay behind the ear and get his leg in a frenzy, like, when you scratch a dog's belly.

Eventually she took him downstairs, and I followed, feeling ignored again and not wanting to be around if 'Evil', aka Medellia and Talia, returned.

Getting back into the party was a little tough, and keeping Jay on his feet was getting harder. He was as tipsy as a top. Oh, haha, I made a funny.

"Atlanta! Thank god you're alright!" I heard Archie cry as he and Pan found me.

"We thought Meleager had gotten you," Pan smiled, stepping between Archie and I and gave me a good pat on the shoulder. Archie went from rejoicing to thing in about three seconds.

Ah, welcome back into the normal life. Thank goodness this party will be over tomorrow and then I'll be able to get on with my mission.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Well, sorry it was late. Hope you guys enjoy! Don't think this chapter turned out as well, but now we know Jay's secret, that Medellia and Talia are up to no good, and that maybe Atlanta's life will go back to normal soon enough.

Demenior


	6. The Plant From Down Below

What a wonderful feeling it is to wake up in a nice, soft… well, mine is sort of lumpy, so it's a nice feeling t wake up in a _reasonably _soft bed with only slightly-scratchy blankets and feeling as warm as all get out? I reached for my blankets to pull then off me, but realized I'd kicked them off in my sleep again. Darn, someone must've been tampering with the heaters. I can't wait to hear Jay's lecture on that… considering he isn't hung up on account of a terrible hang-over.

Oh what an interesting night last night had been. I'd spent the rest of the time dodging Meleager, hanging out with Archie and Pan, getting hugged around the waist fiercely several times by a floor-dwelling carpet monster named Jay, and then keeping myself out of the rest of the 'happy' Greek men's hands. But thank whomever, the party was over today and we can kick out all those unwanted sex-driven, drunk ancient Greeks and I can get on with my life looking for a special someone.

Oh, wait. I found my blankets, judging from the weight on my waist. Since when were my blankets this hairy… and warm… and had fingers? My 'blanket' muttered something into my ear,

"My wife."

((((((0o0))))))

"Atlanta I'm so sorry! We were keeping tabs on him all night and I don't know how he got out!"

Archie and Pan were both trying to comfort me, keep me from freaking out and going to kill Meleager, and help Herry, Odie, Calypso and Theresa repair the window I kicked Meleager through. You never realize how flexible your body is until you kick someone out a window from where you are lying on the floor, across the room.

Theresa was shocked, Evil had sniggered when no one was looking at them, Echo wouldn't be quiet about the whole event and Calypso, though not as horrified as I'd wanted her to be, was sympathetic to my problem and told me she'd help keep Meleager away, when she wasn't busy with Odie.

'I've tried keeping you away from men, but now you're inviting them to bed! Do you hate me or something?' The Mother asked. I scowled at her timing.

No, like I'd ever invite a boy to sleep with me, or sleep with a guy. I'm not that desperate and never will be. Meleager is a fluke, and he snuck into the room and I only hope he didn't do anything to me. I glanced down at myself worriedly.

'What about your friend? The Opera one?' Opera? That had to be Archie. That's right, I did spend the night with Archie the other day, golly, I completely ignored my own personal rules without even thinking. Okay, Atlanta, you have to be on your guard and stay level headed! You can do this- you are a smart young woman!

"Look out!"

((((((0o0))))))

I think all these hits to the head are going to be the death of me. Anyways, Herry was just coming in with a 'sheet' of wood and thanks to his perfect balance, tripped over Medellia, who was sitting 'out of the way' with Talia, and the wood went flying. You probably know what happened next.

Thankfully, my hair is going to cover the bumps I have. To count them all up, I have quite a few from falling down the stairs, a nice big one from this recent accident, one from Meleager's attack, and I also have a nice big bruise on my hip from dropping off Herry's shoulder.

We'd gotten the window boarded up for now, and everyone had returned to their rooms, Pan was headed downstairs and Archie said he needed a shower after Meleager had been 'all over him' trying to get out of the room last night, and everyone else went to get dressed so now us girls were just finishing up. Obviously being the fastest, I opened the door and someone grabbed me by the neck and pulled me back. I'm going to kill them! I bet it was Medellia or Talia trying to kill me-

It was Calypso. Oh, well, what does Odie's one and only fangirl want?

"Take a look," she pointed up above the doorway. Hanging from the roof, just outside of our room, was my current least-favorite plant in the whole wide world.

Mistletoe.

Just outside of the room I saw some movement and noticed Meleager waiting in the shadows, among some rosy-cheeks satyrs. Oh dear. I looked back to Calypso and gave her a 'thank you for saving my life' look. She nodded. Theresa came up behind us.

"What's going on?" I pointed. Her mouth went into an 'o' shape and she stood with us. Evil and Echo joined us as we all just… looked… at the Mistletoe.

"We're not allowed to touch it, are we?" I asked. Calypso shook her head.

"Toobadforyouguys, Icanteleportmyselfouttahere! Neil-kins, hereIcome!" Echo gave us a quick wave before disappearing. You know, as nice as she is, she bugs me more than ever right now. Couldn't she have taken us with her?

Talia shrugged, "I'd like to s'ey dem t'y to k'ess a vampi'e." Confidently she walked right through the doorway, and the satyrs went crazy. All it took was one hiss from Talia, revealing her fangs and going all Demon-snake for a second and the satyrs had retreated to the wall again. That just left me, Theresa, Calypso and Medellia.

"So, uh, anyone else like to abandon us before those of us who don't have 'powers' figure out a plan?" I asked them.

Calypso's eyes lit up and she looked to Theresa and Medellia, "Come here you two." She pulled them away from the doorway so that they wouldn't be overheard. I glared out into the doorway and did my best to burn holes in Meleager's stupid, muscled, tan, bandaged and hopefully sprained body.

He smiled and waved back, blowing kisses and puckering his lips at me. Creep! I shuddered and danced back to Theresa, Medellia and Calypso.

"Got it?" Calypso asked.

"Got it," Theresa and Medellia nodded.

The two of them inched up to the doorway, Medellia 'accidentally' stepped on Theresa's foot and then got in front of Theresa. The both stared at the mistletoe like it was their failing lifeline. Then, as I saw Medellia's eyes begin to glow green, and Theresa's glow purple, the mistletoe wiggled. Only slightly, but it moved. And then, slowly, it wiggled and jiggled its way all the way to one side of the doorframe, then Medellia and Theresa both nearly collapsed with exhaustion. I was first to react and grabbed Theresa, while Calypso was unfortunately just a tad too slow and missed catching Medellia.

The four of us, me carrying Theresa and Medellia refusing any help from the 'beach bunny' as she so kindly referred to Calypso, made our way to the doorway. The Christmas-plant-from-H-E-L squared, was now on the side closest to the door hinges. Calypso was first pressing herself against the opposite side than the mistletoe, and slid out. The satyrs, and Meleager, waited. I let Theresa go next, and Medellia and I waited patiently while she slowly stepped out, taking extra care not to stumble on account of her fatigue.

"Oh hurry up Princess!" Medellia complained, and seconds later I felt her foot in my back.

I fell right under the mistletoe, and into the hallway. I heard Theresa's "look out!" when I was halfway down the hallway with a pack of satyrs and The Husband hot on my heels.

Ohnoohnoohnohnoohnoohnoohnoohno! Wheretohidewheretohide? …I'm starting to sound like Echo. Jump, Lannie, jump for all you little body is worth! He's lunging at you!

I sprang into the air, so well that a rabbit would be impressed, sadly, considering the limited height in the hallway, I hit my head. Again.

And I came crashing down right in front of the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom that Archie, Herry and I usually share- but it had a lock on the door. A lock that could keep Meleager out! Forget what I've said before- I love this thing!

I spoke a second too soon. The moment I went to get up, a hand grabbed my ankle. No way, buddy, you are not getting any Atlanta! I kicked out with my other foot, hit whomever it was in the head, and pulled away. The door was closed, as Herry liked it, so I took a few precious seconds in opening the door. I heard water hissing, stupid toilet was probably clogged again thanks to the Mother-of-All-Puddings Archie and Herry liked to leave.

I threw open the door and closed it, but some grabbed arms had already started coming in and I stomped on all of their little grubby fingers, hopefully breaking some of them because it serves the jerks right, and slammed the door shut.

"My wife! My Wife! Speak to me my Love!" Meleager cried form the other side of the door. I opened my mouth to shout back at him, but the high-pitched shriek from behind me distracted me.

"Oh god Atlanta!" The water earlier, the door had been closed the light was on… ohmygosh!

I'd just walked in on Archie in the middle of his shower.

"Sorry! I'mnotlooking!" I screamed and buried my face against the door, arms still bracing it for impact from Meleager calling to me.

"The heck are you doing in here? Get out!" Archie cried.

"I can't! Meleager's out there- and he saw me under Mistletoe!" I yelled back, sinking to my knees and still not looking. Archie swore for a few minutes, quite loudly and vibrantly and in several different languages. Wow, to think he actually learned other languages that well.

"O-okay. Just don't… don't look!" Archie finally said. Yeah, right, like I'd want to look at him, naked. In his dreams. After a few seconds I heard the water shut off, embarrassedly heard him slip around a bit as he grabbed a towel, and then waited as I heard his wet, sloppy footsteps on the floor.

"Alright," he sighed, "done."

My cheeks felt very hot as I turned around to face him. He had a fluffy white towel tied around his waist and another draped over his shoulders. His hair, obviously, was not gelled up like normal and hung down, and more surprisingly, almost reached his shoulders. For the first time I also saw Archie with bangs, and that's saying a lot considering I've seen him every day for the past almost-two years. Also, I finally noticed how pale and skinny he really is. Yeesh, if we thought his face was pale... well, he's actually not too bad looking. Wow… Archie, wet, and not being all 'Archie'… is actually very, very tasty eggnog to the eyes.

'You're staring, stop puddling!' the Mother instructed. Obediently I looked away.

Archie sat down near me, thankfully keeping his legs crossed. We didn't look at each other for a few minutes.

"So…" he finally began, he sounded rather nervous, I know I would be if I was only wearing a towel in front of him, "what happened?" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, his normal habit when he felt anxious. Since his hair was hanging down, this caused him to run his hand through his hair… I wonder if it's as soft as it looks?

"Atlanta?" What? Oh, right, talking to Archie! Not staring!

"Well, Meleager and some satyrs stuck a branch of mistletoe outside of our door, and while the girls and I were getting out, I fell under it and then they were on a fox hunt after me. I tripped and the only room nearby was this one.

"What about the room right across the hall?" Oh. Right, that one.

"This one has the lock."

"Well why did you come into the bathroom when the door was closed?"

"Herry always keeps the door closed," I pointed out. Archie looked crestfallen, since I was beating him yet again in an argument, "and besides, why didn't you have it locked?_ Were _you expecting someone to come in?"

"No! Why would you think that? I'm usually first one up, so I don't worry about anyone walking in. Least of all some girl getting chased by her 'husband'."

"Hey! The Husband is out to get me, and what happened to you protecting me? And where _are _the clothes you came in with anyways?"

Archie paused. He looked around curiously. With a bewildered face he looked back to me,

"I have no idea," he said simply.

"You mean you just walked in here naked?" I asked.

We both looked at each other, as confused as anything, then one of us, it could have been me or him broke out into a fit of highly contagious giggles and soon we were both laughing.

"S-so you're telling me th-that someone mu-must've walk in here and just m-made off w-with your cl-clothes?" I restrained myself from laughing at the absurd idea. Ha, another fancy word. I learned that from way back when I first started bugging Odie with big words.

Archie shrugged, "Yeah," he was trying to keep from laughing as well, "and come to think of it, I couldn't find my brace this morning as well." I started laughing again and he held up his hands in defense, "No joke!" he told me.

"Wonderful party, really," I told him after I'd calmed down a bit more, "there is some lunatic out there who is convinced I'm his wife and therefore he can do whatever 'couple-y' things he wants with me, a crazy vampire and witch who are out to ruin our lives, number of giddy satyrs who would just love to get their hands on me, and some person- or thing- who's stealing your clothes. I love my life."

Archie snorted, "In a nutshell, that is our life. You just forgot to add that there's this nutty old bat who's out to get us, we're fighting freak giants and monsters from the past, and we're only teenagers, then you're caught up to us." I nodded. Just think, a while ago I was feeling so nervous because he was, literally, half naked, and now we're chatting away like we're not sitting in a bathroom, him only wearing a towel, with this guy banging on the door every few minutes crying 'my wife!'. Interesting.

"So, how do you say we get out of here?" I finally asked.

"I'm not fighting Meleager until I'm wearing some pants." That made sense. I'd probably agree, if I were in his position, (and thank whoever I'm not) but I'd want to be wearing some high-tech, robotical, kick-Meleager's-butt sort of pants, and a nice shirt too. I nodded in agreement with him and we both waited patiently.

"Hey, Meleager, don't tell me you've trapped Atlanta in there? You can't keep chasing her around, she's… uh… feeling strange around you because she hasn't seen you in so long." Oh thank you! It was Pan-Man!

Na na na na na na na na Pan-Man! Wow… now Pan gets his own theme song, he is very lucky.

The doorknob began to turn and I sprang to my feet. I was going to live another day! Unfortunately, I forgot about all the water that had been dripping off Archie and I slipped. As the door opened I crashed and landed right on top of Archie. He caught me by the shoulders, but not until I'd fallen forwards enough and my lips had connected to Archie's. Oh man I was kissing him! He or I pulled away immediately, and I hope I was the first to pull away. Pan went to close the door again, but just as fast as I'd fallen, I shot at and grabbed the door.

"Thank you," I mumbled and turned to run away. Just my luck though, Meleager's bellyaching at the door had brought a lot of attention, and a big crowd. And in that crowd, you can only guess that my friends had been right there, and had seen the whole me-on-Archie thing. My cheeks felt red-hot and I tried to sink back into my friends and Pan.

Poor Archie, though, in his fluffy towel, had to go through the crowd. I heard a whistle or two as he stormed past and slammed the door to his room, well actually it was mine but the guys were using it right now.

Pan wrapped and arm around my shoulders, since Theresa was having enough trouble with her nearly limp Jay, who had his head down and kept moaning about dogs and how the room was too bright. Aww, poor Jay-Jay. The crowd dispersed, and I decided that I couldn't wait for this arty to be over. Please just send everyone home, Herry and Odie; you've ruined my life enough.

We all gathered in the living room, I kept my face buried in Pan's shoulder and Theresa flopped Jay on top of me, and then sat down beside him.

"So, everyone, good morning!" Herry called. There were loud shouts and replies.

"Today, we have several things planned for what we're all going to do!"

Wait. Planned? His party was lasting another day? No, over my dead body!

"How long is this party going?" I cried, standing up. Jay grabbed my legs tightly, while trying to cover his face from the light, and I nearly tripped.

"Well, we said it was lasting most of Christmas Break," Odie explained with his loveable Odie-smile. I noticed Calypso was holding his hand warmly.

I think I'm going to go die now.

((((((0o0))))))

Hey there, welcome back. If you've been living under a rock all this time, this is what's happened this morning. First, I woke up to find a creep snuggling me in my bed, then I got shoved under mistletoe and got chased by a pack of satyrs and the creep down the hallway, then got stuck in the bathroom while my best guy-friend was having a shower, accidentally kissed him in front of everyone, and now I've learned that this party-from-the-same-place-as-mistletoe is going to last all Christmas Break. The same amount of time that I want to use looking for a, dare I say it, boyfriend.

Right now we're all packed on a big bus Herry and Odie rented for the party. Hera's driving, and much to my amusement I see she's chained Zeus to her by the ankle. I sat up front with Pan, Theresa and Jay. Only three of us can fit to a seat, but Jay was dead enough to be content curled up on our feet.

Herry, Odie and Archie sat across from us; Archie hadn't looked at me directly since that incident in the bathroom. He was all dressed up in a new outfit today, probably because someone stole his usual hoodie and shorts. Today he was wearing a blue T-shirt and shorts; the stupid guy liked to show off that he didn't get sick by wearing outrageous clothes in the winter, and was back to being dorky Super-Archie. Not eye-eggnog Archie anymore.

So now, Herry's and Odie's masterful plan was for all of us to head to the mall for the day, go again tomorrow and the next day, and more if we needed to, and had provided a large list of all the people we could to buy presents for. The satyrs, much to their distaste, had been dressed up in normal, baggy clothing so now we had a large crowd of unnaturally beautiful/handsome tall people, a few normal teenagers, and a bunch of short, perverted, laughing fat men who hobbled around and complained about stupid 'human hoof-contraptions'.

What could go wrong?

((((((0o0))))))

So I think I'll leave it there for you guys. Sorry I haven't updated lately, been working on some new stories (see my bio for summaries) and I think you'll really like them.

Ah, I wasn't planning on having the whole Naked-Shower-Archie stuck in the bathroom with Atlanta, but while I was writing it was just like a 'ding' in my head, quickly followed by a fangirl squeal, and then I filled up most of this chapter with their interaction.

And yes, Atlanta kissed Archie in front of everyone. How will his change their relationship? Will Super-Archie still be there to save Atlanta from the Husband? Will Jay ever be able to look the two girls in the eye again after they've seen him drunk- on eggnog? Will Meleager get the girl? What else could possibly go wrong in the next chapter?

Atlanta has absolutely no idea of what she's in for…

so stay tuned.

Demenior


	7. Deck the Mall With Archie's WomanWear!

The End.

Those are the two words I'm _dieing_ to hear, more than anything else in the whole wide world. If I don't hear them, I think I'll erupt like Herry when he's finished his monthly bean-fest. In Neil's sacred words:

"Watch the Hair! Watch the hair!"

Okay, maybe not _those_ words, but these ones.

"Oh My Good Looks- Run for My Life!"

Yes, he does actually swear on the name of his good looks. Believe it or not, it is the truth. Anyways, Mt. Atlanta is currently trying to sneak away from the large group of people who have just started entering the mall. I swear everyone stopped to stare at us, the freak show of unnaturally beautiful men and women, dwarf men who start to dance around at the face of any remotely pretty woman and a few somewhat average-looking teens.

Oh, never mind, the Husband found me.

"Isn't this great, My Wife? We will spend all day in your indoor, giant market of the gods and then we may return to your humble dwellings and get to know each other better. It has been far too long!" 

He was holding my hands up, by the wrists, and staring lovingly into my eyes. I probably would have laughed at the moment, had it not been for the fact he was a good head or two taller than me, and so I was being held off the ground. Actually, I probably would have been screaming for Pan-Man to save me and biting Meleager's ankles, if I wasn't being held up, but I was being held by my bruising wrists and could do nothing. I wonder if this is how a piñata feels right before it gets swarmed by sugar-crazed, missing-teeth children.

Okay, buddy, no one grabs Mt. Atlanta like that. Now you shall feel my lava flow! Well, if I could spurt lava, you would. For now, we'll just settle with the good ol' kick in the place where the light don't shine. Ouch! What are his thigh's made of? Titanium? Stupid, in-shape, muscled ancient pervert! You're just lucky I don't have good aim. Anyways, operation 'Lights Out' didn't work, Meleager's just starring at me.

"My Wife? Are you alright? You convulsed and kicked at me," he stated. Something about him smelled funny, like a farm.

Convulsed? Hmm... I should use that on Odie. Nice big word that I have no absolute idea what it means. Fun.

Anyways, since the first Mission didn't work, what's Plan B? Wow, now I sound like Mission Impossible or something. Okay, so I'm in this situation, I need to think of something. Mt. Atlanta is now scouting the area, cue the theme music.

Chi-ka chi-ka chi-ka doodle-oo. Do do dododo do do do dododo do do do do do doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo dodo!

I see the light!

**New Olympia Petting Zoo. Ages Two and Up.**

So that was what that funny smell was. Okay, now to escape.

"Look! That man over there is _convulsing_!" I shouted.

Meleager looked over his shoulder, and on an afterthought I added, loudly, "It's the BOAR!"

That had him sailing to the ground in three seconds. He took me with him, but I was able to roll away and jumped to my feet. Ages-Two-and-Up-Petting-Zoo, here comes Mt. Atlanta! I sprinted all the way there and dove headfirst into a huge pile of hay, perfect getaway.

Maybe not, if the hay had been deeper, not as pokey-hay and if there hadn't been a pig behind it. My nose will never be the same. Piggy squealed and ran to another hay lump, and I hoped Meleager hadn't seen me run in here.

"'Lanta? Atlanta, where are you?" I heard Pan calling. As I stood up, getting some altitude thanks to my Hay-Hill, I saw Pan and a splash of misplaced violet beside him. Archie's come to rescue me even though he's still grumpy about this morning, cool.

No, wait, not cool! Titanium Thighs is coming up behind them, if they see me, T. Thighs will get me for sure! How to escape, how to escape?

The mother of all pigs just walked in. Pink and black spots all over her body. Since when were pigs black? I always thought they were pink. An idea popped into my head.

Cue my music.

Which I won't sing again because it makes me feel stupid and I don't even know the tune.

I rolled forwards, avoiding animal poo-poos and then jumped behind Mother Piggy.

"Let's move!" I shouted, and gave her a nice push on the behind.

Nothing. No reaction at all.

"Sausages! Pork Chops! Hambones! I vant to dreenk yur blooood!"

She farted. Possibly in fear?

"I will make bacon out of your spleen and your children will be made into omelets- for vegetarians!"

That got her squealing and running. She charged forwards, right towards Pan, Archie and Titanium Thighs. And because I'm an animal rights activist I won't mention how I kicked her when I shouted that last bit.

"It's the SHE-BOAR!" Meleager shrieked, throwing himself aside. He grabbed a discarded broom, probably for sweeping up hay, and held it like a spear as he ran after the pig. 

Pan and Archie made their way over to me, now knowing full well where I was. Everyone was looking at the three of us oddly, wonder why.

"Let's head to the back?" I suggested and the followed with barely a nod. I'd seen some cool sign back here, about a fainting goat or something. Sounds interesting enough, eh?

The goat looked completely normal and was just standing in a pan at the back of the petting zoo. Wow, this was so... booring. 

"Hey, hey you! Boo! Surprise! Hee-yah!" Wow, for a fainting goat, it was hard to scare.

I jumped up and down, hoping to scare it, "Woosh! It's the buuutccchhheerrr! He's come to take your kidneys!"

The goat blinked dumbly and nibbled on some hay.

"This is stupid," I muttered. 

When I turned around, I realized Pan had fainted.

((((((0o0))))))

We waved a carrot I 'borrowed' from that stupid 'fainting' goat under Pan's nose to revive him. It didn't take too long for his nose to wiggle and he opened his eyes, groping for the carrot with a drowsy hand. I pulled the carrot away and he sat up, still trying to grab or bite it, maybe both. Man, he's like Jay and eggnog. Only... Pan-Man's thing is carrots.

"Hard to believe you're half goat, hippie, but half _fainting_ goat? That's quite funny," Archie commented. This was the first time he'd spoken since the bathroom catastrophe.

"Wow... I don't know what happened. One minute I was watching Atlanta do some aerobics at the goat, the next I smelt something so wonderful..." he trailed off, giving me big goat-eyes. Wow, as creepy as they are; goat eyes seem to be more effective than puppy-eyes. Why don't people do them more often? Must have something to do with the whole, bulging out of head and sideways pupil thing, whatever.

I gave him the stupid carrot and he devoured it so fast Bugs Bunny wouldn't even be able to get in his 'what's up?' line. Pan got to his feet- hooves- shoes... you know what I mean, and the three of us slowly began heading outside. There was a large crowd gathered in a circle, people screaming for animal control and others laughing about some lunatic man with a broom. Looks like Meleager is having fun with his she-boar.

We got out easily enough, now Mt. Atlanta is hungry. She did not eat any supper because Mt. Atlanta was tending to eggnoged Jay, and then Mt. Atlanta did not eat breakfast because she was stuck in the bathroom with her best friend. Mt. Atlanta will die if Mt. Atlanta does not get food. Now.

And I'll stop with the Mt. Atlanta thing... though I admit; referring to myself in third person is cool. I know! I'll give myself a different name to refer to in the third person, that way I won't drive myself insane repeating my name over and over again. Brilliant.

"So what are you guys going to get for everyone?" Pan asked, the green part of the carrot sticking out of his mouth.

Archie shrugged, "Socks?"

"Food."

"Really? I thought you mortals preferred, like, toys. Not food. But get me vegetables because you know I don't like me-" Pan stopped as I gave him a nasty glare.

"Not for you. For Atlanta. She. Is. Hun-gry."

Archie and pan cast a look between each other, then nodded quickly.

"Right then, food court first, then shopping," Pan said, sipping in the last of his carrot greens. Wow, guess my glare was angrier then I thought it would be.

Betty is happy now that Betty and friends are going to get food.

Oh, look, Alyssa sees friends! Dianna likes friends!

Oh no, Barbie sees vampire. Vampires bad

"What are you doing Atlanta?" Archie asked, I realize now that I hid behind him instead of Pan.

"Annabelle?" I squeaked out.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just Atlanta."

Archie looked at me before turning to give Herry a high-five.

"Hey guys! Having fun?" Herry smiled.

Aww, Emily likes her big teddy-bear brother, yes she does.

"You could say that," Pan flashed a smile back. Secretly Zoey noticed bits of carrot on his otherwise perfect munchers.

"That's good," Herry nodded, "Talia and I are buzzing through the list. At this rate we'll be done by the end of the day!"

"Great news," Archie grinning, nodding.

"A'en't you de boy f'om de vash'oom dis mo'ning?" Talia interrupted, "de von who vas 'unning drough de c'owd in a towvel?"

Archie turned red and looked away. Wait, why would she want to know? Unless- she's the one who stole Archie's clothes! It has to be Evil, who else? Anne was about to chew her out, but Delilah can't do that in front of Herry. That's just way too harsh.

"Bridget and friends are going to food court-now," I said through my teeth, pushing Archie and Pan away from Herry and Talia. I don't like her with my Herry, but if Herry likes her then maybe he can make her good. After all, basically no one can be harsh to Herry. I've only met one person who truly didn't like Herry. I shuddered at the memory of Oxy.

We made our merry way to the food court. Considering this mall was rather large, it was taking us a while. Every so often I swear I heard a 'My Wife' following us, so we had to duck into several random stores. Once such happened to be the women's, eherm, underclothes. This is where we were currently stationed. Both Archie and Pan were trying to ignore all the feminine items around them and the stares they were getting form everyone- male and female.

I peered around a rack of thongs.

"I think we're almost clear, guys," I told them.

The two of them were curled in the fetal position, surprisingly trying to touch the least amount of bras and underwear possible. Wow, who would've thought both Archie and Pan had the willpower stamina to resist.

"Okay," I stood and was about to motion for them to follow, when a familiar tanned, red-haired, and well muscled body came into view.

The Husband. Titanium Thighs. The Death of my Love life. Whatever you want to call him, even his name for gosh's sake!

I dove back behind the thongs, Archie and Pan's wide eyes told me they'd realized they were going to be stuck in here a while longer. A vivid, pink blush was burning up their faces. Had this moment been funny, and in the world of television, I'd laugh and also take a picture with the camera I just happen to carry around all the time.

But this isn't, this is life. So being as discreet as possible, I pulled a rack of lacey bras in front of us, completely surrounding the three of us in women's wear. Archie and Pan have now just invented a brand new shade of pink.

The Husband waltzed in, looking around surprised like. Probably has never seen so many women's secret-clothing, especially in one place. He looked around with a dopey grin, and I flinched when his eyes passed over our hiding place. Fortunately, a pretty young girl with blonde hair tied in a pony tail bounced up to him.

"Can I help... what do you need, sir?"

"Have you seen My Wife? She is beautiful, stronger than you, faster than you and I saw her come in here. Her hair is the color of the fire in my heart," Meleager went on dreamily. Archie and pan, now recovering and coming back to normal boy/man hormones, had gotten over their initial shock, and were now giggling at Meleager's descriptions. I kicked out at them, and caught Archie in the face. He fell out of our safe-zone with a cry.

The store remained bustling and active. Archie scrambled back inside, there was a pair of pink underwear stuck to his gelled hair. He didn't notice yet, so Pan and I refrained from telling him. 

"I could say that looked like the little boy my Wife has befriended," I heard Meleager. Both Archie and I gave each other nasty looks for obvious reasons. He's given away our hiding place and he's upset at being called a little boy.

"My Wife?"

"Go! Go!" I gave both Archie and Pan shoves and we sprang from the undergarments like rabbits from a burning cage. Trust me, they move fast.

We shot out of there, bras, underwear, thongs and other _things_ flying in every which direction. Girls screamed and some men hooted, but the only think I heard was, I'll give you three guesses,

"Wonderwife!"

If you got that wrong, don't be worried, I didn't see that coming. If you got that right... go away.

Anyways, we made it to the food court. Yummy! I love the smell of the food court, it always makes me hungry. Perfect, because I'm already starving. I doubled over in hunger, moaning for French fries or a cinnamon bun. Yuuummm...

Archie and Pan pulled me up, hanging my arms around their shoulders. Some people walked past, took one look at Archie, and burst out laughing. He shot them a glare, still ignorant to the garment on his head. Together he and Pan dragged me into the food court and all three of us paused a moment to take in a deep breath.

"Okay, so who has the money?" Archie asks the two of us.

Money? What money? I no have this thing you call money.

"I thought you had it," Pan said simply.

Archie shook his head, "Not me. Even Odie and Herry were smart enough to know I'm terrible with money." Another group of people walked past and laughed at Archie.

They both looked at me, "'Lan?"

I shook my head, "Foooood."

So, if none of us had money. How could we buy food? Who on earth would have the money? Oh no... they didn't...

Archie and Pan seemed to have come to the same conclusion as I had, seeing at how shocked their faces were. I was the only one brave enough to say it out loud.

"Titanium Thighs." They both stared at me like I had a second head, so I changed the name,

"Meleager. They gave the money to _him_!"

"Okay..." Archie let out a slow breath, I recognized this from an anger management counselor I once had, "we'll need to get him in here and then get the money from him so that we can buy some food."

We didn't have to wait long, almost as soon as Archie had finished we heard a loud squeal of "My Wife!" and "Wonderwife!" before Meleager tackled all three of us.

Considering Archie seemed very angry, and I was not going to be taken down that easily, the two of us fought back and soon Meleager, Archie and I were struggling, kicking, hugging and pushing across the floor. Pan fainted somewhere at the beginning of the wrestling. 

People were jumping up and flying out of the way and the three of us tackled and wrestled our way through the tables and legs. Believe it or not, I was actually having fun. Both these guys were tough opponents, I'm tougher you know, and so it was really hard to try and pin one of them without being attacked by the other.

We rolled into another table, and a plate of mashed potatoes, corn and chicken fell onto Meleager's head. Archie and I burst out laughing, getting to our feet. I heard a gasp, like someone who is seeing a friend in a chance meeting for the first time in years. Slowly I let my gaze travel from Meleager's food-covered head, Archie still with his pink underwear-head and looked to the woman who was sitting at the table.

"You!" we both screamed pointing at each other. Archie had gone immediately pale, and Pan and Meleager who were now joining us, had no idea of what was going on.

That woman, with her heavy build, horn-shaped fuzzy brown hair, double chin and beady black eyes...

_Oxy_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Oh no! Oxy is back- and she's bigger, badder, Oxy-er than ever!

The whole "Boar" referance is to the Calydonian Boar Hunt that Meleager met Atalanta on. And that whole sequence with the different girl names, Atlanta was trying out different names for hher third-person reference.

Sorry for the long update, school's been swamping me lately and I think I'm coming down with some bad flu bug... fun.

I'll try and update soon, but in the meantime, if you haven't, check out my newest story: 'Dreams in Darkness.'

Reviews would be loved, but critique (and GOOD critiquing) is even better.

Demenior


	8. A Turn for the Worse

Oxy… it was Oxy. She was here, at the mall, in the food court, right here. I want to die; can someone please just kill me now? I don't care if I never had a real boyfriend or not, just _please _please, strike me now!

"You poor girl! Once again they're harassing you. I'm so sorry I left you before!" she jumped up to grab me, and I jumped back.

Oxy took one look at the gang before adding disapprovingly, "Another one? And…" she starred at Archie, namely his head. Archie glared back at her, still not knowing why everyone was laughing at him. Pan had run up and was now in our circle of tension and glaring. He looked to Archie and made a motion with his hand, pointing to his head, with a wide-eyed look. Cautiously, Archie reached up and pulled the underwear off his head. His eyes were a big as dinner plates and he threw them to the ground like they were the plague or something.

"Oh god!" he cried. That's the thing I love about Archie, just how fast he can go red.

"Look, Lady, these are my friends, and we're just hanging out. Leave us alone now!" I told her. She just stared at me with those big… ox …eyes. I was full aware of Archie glaring holes in the back of my head, since he'd figured out by now that I knew he'd had the underwear on his head the whole time.

Oxy nodded slowly, "Yes. Hanging out, that is the slang you children use nowadays. Well… would you mind if I spoke to you, alone, for a second?"

I guess that's about the best deal I'll get, though I'd rather not be alone with her. She scares me plenty.

"Sure," I found myself saying. I turned and waved good-bye to the guys (Meleager waved back) and then walked away from them with Oxy. She trotted to a corner outside the girl's restroom, and turned to face me.

"Now, child, speak to me openly. Why is it that I've seen you twice in three days, and both times you were being harassed by more than one male each time?" Her beady black eyes bored into mine, and I found myself looking away.

"You just show up when we're having fun, that's all. The guys are great, probably the nicest and most responsible people you'll ever meet, though I admit sometimes they're idiots, and Herry and Odie arranged this stupid party and now we're cramped to the brim with-" I cut myself off. Oxy's eyes were widening, even enough to show the whites- which I might add, seems very strange to me that ox's had white in their black eyes- as she heard how we were having a party. With more men- and most of them still living in the 'good ol' days' where women just fell at their feet to have children.

Shizzit.

"A party?" Oxy inquired, "what's it like? How many of your friends are there? Do you feel safe with them?"

Well, for starters, only eight of us are human and the rest are essentially immortal. All my friends are there, and yet I don't feel quite safe with The Husband and Evil stalking around every corner, oh, you know what, Oxy? One of my most reliable, responsible buddies has the mind of a dog when he drinks eggnog. Speaking of which, I wonder how Jay's fairing, and if he even remembers last night.

I flashed her a grin, "Sorry, it's top secret!" and before she could reply I whirled around and ran back to Archie, Pan and Titanium Thighs, and the three of us ran away as fast as we could. I at least heard Oxy shouting at us to return, but Atlanta is tamed by none!

The four of us finally stopped in the middle of the mall, around the ginormous fountain. Panting and gasping for breath, Archie, Pan and I flopped down on a bench, trying not to think about what those stains or bumps on the surface of the seat were, and Meleager just sat down beside up, resting his head on the bench. We just sat like that for a while, ignoring the odd looks people were giving us.

"Atlanta hungry," I whined.

"Mel… you've got the, the money- right?" Pan asked. I just couldn't believe he'd called Meleager, Mel.

"The which?" Meleager asked.

"The currency, Odie and Herry gave it to you, right?" Pan explained. I love his patience. Maybe I should start dating him again…

"Oh, yes! I remember. But no. I don't have it," Meleager replied. Immediately all three of us glared in horror and shock at him.

"You… don't? Why not?" Archie growled. He was verging on the edge of psychopathic rage right now… maybe I should take my chances and run away with Pan and let Archie kill Meleager, because he might kill me instead.

"Well, you see, these nice young men in black came up to me and said they needed it for some 'pot' and so, being a kind man, I gave it to them. I always did enjoy having plants around my living quarters," Meleager grinned.

We all just gaped. Meleager had given away all the money we were going to spend on gifts and food- to a bunch of druggies? I want to kill. Now.

"What is wrong? Have I done bad?" Meleager asked.

"Yeah, Mel," Pan replied, rubbing his temples, "you've done something very bad."

Meleager pouted, which held nothing against Jay's or Pan's pout. In fact it was more negative and gave me shivers rather then make me feel sorry for him.

"So I guess we have to go beat up some druggies now," I said. Archie grinned beside me. I scooted closer to Pan. While Archie's the lightweight dork who complains all the time that I tease him for, when he gets really annoyed and/or angry, he goes all 'Mr. I-kill-you-and-it's-funny' mode. He's done it once or twice when we were fighting with giants or Cronus, and, man; it's not a force to be reckoned with.

"I will take you to them to make up for my error," Meleager stood up, bowing to us. Archie was on his feet, and nervously I got up beside him. I'll probably not even get to land a punch, but be keeping Archie from killing them… much.

The three of us set off, and it took me a moment to realize Pan-Man wasn't there. I turned around and he was still sitting on the bench.

"Pa-an! Aren't you coming?" I called. He looked up with an uncertain look on his face, after a moment he shook his head. This wasn't good. We might need some of Pan's 'gardening' skills to grow giant plants and such to restrain Archie. I ran back to him.

"What's wrong?"

"I… You know I don't support violence, right? I just don't see any justification in this," he sighed.

He what? I didn't understand any of that.

Pan looked at my face, "No. I don't want to fight," he translated. Oh, well if he just said that in the first place.

"Okay… we'll meet you later," I smiled. Pan nodded quietly and I ran back to Archie and T. Thighs.

Haha, this was going to be fun.

((((((0o0))))))

Finding these swindlers was a little tricky. It was a big mall and no one- especially after taking that much money- stays in one place for long. I had to use my Super-Tracking-Skillz to hunt them down. And yes I just did put a 'z' on 'skills'.

Archie calmed down a bit in the while it took us to find these kids, and people no longer hid in closets or threw themselves down the stairs to spare themselves a worse fate. They just sort of… parted… and stared. Then Archie would glare back and they'd hustle on by.

We, mainly I, found them out back. Don't ask me how because it involves the ancient equation of Prey number of toes on a horse's tail + the gender of purple leaves on a tree hiding under the snow x The Northern Lights / the speed of a singing duck. It takes a while to explain, trust me. But I found them nonetheless!

"Hey! You took our money!" I cried.

The kids were running at the first quotation. They think they can beat me? I'll show them. I was going to give them a second to think they'd gotten ahead, but then a blur of purple and Husband shot past me in hot pursuit. Shizzit… again. They were competing and Archie was still not in deemed-socially-safe mode yet, and it was all too easy to go back into ha-ha-you're-intestines-make-belts mode. And it's not a nice thing, let me tell you that. Again. I seem to be repeating a lot lately.

I slammed a foot down on the pavement and took off flying. They'd nearly cleared the parking lot by now, and it took a bit of extra speed to really close the distance. The scrawny little junkies dodged in between two buildings, Archie and Meleager pursued right on their heels and I was still a ways behind. I poured more energy into my legs, and I swear I felt them light on fire.

You think it's easy to just run fast? No way, I have to pour a lot of energy into it and later it leaves my feet smelling like burnt rubber and my muscles ache for hours. And that's just my normal faster-then-you-can-blink fast. When I'm really running, like I'm trying to right now, I'll be feeling this for days I bet you. But I need, even though I'd rather not, to protect those stupid kids, and any innocents along the way, from Archie and Titanium Thighs, but mainly Archie.

They broke clear of the buildings just a head and dashed, oh no, right across a very busy road. I wanted to close my eyes and look away, but if I went splat at this speed I would spend the rest of my life (hopefully with a nice guy) in 2-D. The kids managed to make it through fine, and then Archie and Meleager went. If anything happened to them I don't know what I'd…

…

Please, someone hit Meleager and end this nightmare.

But spare Archie, I might end up dating him. Aaannnddd he'd go all Psycho-Demon on you.

A truck nearly hit Mel, (whoa… I just called him Mel) but he leapt into the air and, landing on top of it, jumped across the street. Archie ran close behind, cars swerving every which way, and fortunately no one was suicidal enough to yell at him.

Okay, my turn, thanks to the fact that those druggies, Meleager and Archie have all but killed any possible traffic, I figured it was safe and just sped right out onto the road after them.

Someone, hijack Cronus, go back in time, and slap me for not even just glancing to my left as I ran. Before I go out on the road, presumably.

Well, I went splat. Right over the roof of a car. Down the back and onto the road, where a huge Semi nearly crushed me into that 2-D image I was talking about earlier, but I was so dazed I just stayed flat. Looking back now, I must have had some dead skin cells or something from Neil on me, because, whoa, I was so lucky.

I gasped for breath on the asphalt, my lungs burning and my body was still in the sensation of running. The world was spinning like a merry-go-round on eggnog, little direction and no preference to gravity or normality. I rolled onto my stomach, I think, and heard loud, blaring beeps from the semi that had nearly run me over.

Wait… didn't beeps mean it was backing up?

It was swirling around and around and around and it made me sick, but it was coming closer. Oh lord, it was going to try and kill me again! Who would do that?

It must've been knocked loose from my bank of mission memories, but I remembered how Cronus had a huge semi that he locked Archie and I up in when Echo had kidnapped Neil a while back. This couldn't be him… but then again, no sane man would purposely run over a teen.

The world was starting to slow down, and the pain was catching up. I had to move before I realized something was broken and that I couldn't move. You see, in battle, the trick is not to think about any injury until after, because then you can't tell if you're missing an arm or not until later, when there's time to whine and cry about it.

I finally found the nerves to my arms and legs as the license plate came within a foot of me. It said PWND in big, colorful letters. I can't tell what color… the word isn't coming to mind. Oh no, I am not going out with irony like that.

Besides, everyone would laugh at my funeral when they heard how I kicked the bucket, and I would probably laugh too, but I'd also have been single my whole life and not even made it to Christmas.

Well, PWND truck, you aren't going to taste Atlanta today. I rolled out of the way just in time to loose a few hairs to the tires. It stung, by I could probably get up now. My head seemed to weigh a billion pounds, or a giant was sitting on it, and I was feeling oddly tingly all over my body.

Now, see, the rest of the world has just been un-muted. On full volume.

People were screaming, shouting, pointing. Horns were blaring and alarms were sounding in the distance, voices were arguing and, behind that, you had the normal ruckus of the city. My ears _bleeed_.

I was shaking on my feet, my legs now going into that limp, spaghetti mode I was talking about before when I'm going to ache everywhere.

"I'm going to enjoy this!" a familiar voice shouted. Shaking, I turned around and saw Cronus leaning out of the window of the semi, one hand on the steering wheel so tight that the knuckles were white and the metal was denting. He was grinning one of his psychotic grins and I swear I felt his foot hit the pedal as the semi began flying at me.

Oh, legs, just to let you know, of all times you could just die on me, this was the worst. I hate you and I hope you get crushed so much they don't even think you're mine and you get buried with someone who smells like babies.

And for the record- I don't like Meleager. I might like Pan and I might like Archie. Before I die, let's just say I was cheating and they're both my boyfriends, okay? There, not single when I bite it.

And also, Cronus is an onus. Haha, my last funny before I die.

…

Oh good-golly-Neil's-looks, I don't want to die!

PWND grew closer and closer, the bright letters nearly filling my vision. My legs jelly, I tried to pull away on my hands but it wasn't doing much. Archie? Pan? Anyone? Heck, I'd even settle for Mel (I've only just started calling him Mel, he isn't worthy of a superhero name yet) to save me right now.

Seriously, now is the time!

There was a loud crack in the air and suddenly one of the tires was cut right in half, and the one half came spinning over towards me and landed right by my head. Great, seeing the gum on it makes me want gum.

As the truck tipped and nearly fell over on its one side, the giants tumbled out as did what looked like their version of a poker game. Obviously angry, they picked themselves up and turned to see who the cause of their unforeseen tumble was. All they saw was me… and the other half of the tire. Great.

Snarling, they jumped forwards- but only to be stopped by a fuming and glaring Archie. I'm surprised they didn't wet themselves right there. He cracked his whip against the pavement and the giants took a step back. Yeah, that's right, just walk away. You're not stupid enough to attack psycho killer-Archie, are you? Cronus shouted something from the truck and the giants looked amongst each other nervously, debating which one should go first. People had begun to gather in a crowd, pointing and screaming at the odd happenings in the middle of the road. No duh.

Ow, ow, ow. My joints are popping and cracking. I stood up, my knees nearly knocking together. I really don't want to look at them, what if there's a bone sticking out or something? What if my feet are gone? What then?

…then I probably wouldn't be able to stand, nice one Lannie-Bear.

…

…

Where that came from, do not ask. It is somewhere that was sealed away by priests and monks when I was born. But hey, I like that name- Bear. Feminine, soft and yet can kick butt like any old man name. Except for Archie. Because Archie is a dorky name, sorry buddy, but it is.

Okay, so my feet and legs must still be working because I can stand, not well, but I can. My arms appear okay and my spine must still be in one piece and-

"Wife- lower yourself down!" Meleager bellowed. No, no I can't go down- not after this!

I saw the hunk of concrete flying at me; I could see the bits of rock flying off. I wondered if I could pull off some trick, but it was a blessing alone that I was standing right now.

Oh mama, I thought, this is going to hurt.

I let my knees buckle and I collapsed to the ground as the hunk or road narrowly clipped the top of my head. Had I fallen any later it probably would've taken my head off.

I hit the ground, hard, and my body shrieked in pain, and I couldn't blame it. I shrieked with it. The world was spinning again, things in the distance darkening and my eyelids drooped while I tried to curl into a ball. I could hear the fighting in the background, could hear Cronus laughing and people screaming. But the sound that dominated them all was my heartbeat.

Ba-Bum.

Ba-Bum.

The ground shook as a giant must've come running at me. I think I heard someone scream 'charge', slightly slurred. Funny, it sounded like Jay.

Ba-Bum.

I felt strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into the bridal-style position of carrying someone. I think for a brief moment I looked into the crowds and I saw Oxy, but then again, how could she have caught up?

Ba-Bum.

Hmm, I know I know this person, but I can't place where. I buried my face into the soft material of their shirt and blocked out the smell of blood and oil and asphalt. The screams were starting to drown out and I realized my eyes had become too heavy to lift.

"I want to go home now," I think I remember saying before I passed out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Yes, it's not that much of a funny ending this time, but this is a real-life drama guys! There are ups and downs. Next chapter should be nice and light again, and, according to you people, funny.

So Mel gave the money away, Atlanta got hit by a car, Cronus drives a semi with the license plate 'PWND', and now Atlanta nearly got killed. Who saved her? Will she be alright? Did Atlanta see Oxy in the crowd? Why does Oxy keep popping up, what significance does she hold? Can Drunk-Jay be taught to fetch? What horrors do Odie and Herry have in store for our too-young looking heroine?

Stay tuned, I'll try to update again soon!

-Demenior


	9. Wakey Wakey Hugs and Archies

Ohboy. Let me tell you now, you have never had a headache as bad as mine. It's an Eleventy-Twelve on the Richter Scale! And that's a lot. Trust me.

It hurts to think much further than that. Heck, why am I talking to you. My toes are curling in pain just thinking about you. I mean, what's up with that? You're the annoying people in my head that weigh a bagillion pounds. If I'm talking to anyone it should be Mr. Shadow sitting in the corner there. I have no idea who it is.

Ugh, it feels like someone screwed off the top of my head, put in that slab of asphalt that nearly took _off_ my head earlier, and then put me back together. Or maybe all of you just need some more exercise. You're all morbidly obese in my brain. Get skinny now, before I decide to drill a hole to get to you.

My stomach was a black hole where my midriff should've been, and it's probably already absorbed my kidneys, spleen and intestines. And my legs. And arms. I can't feel them. Wow, that sucks. What if I end up as some limbless stump of a body? Herry would have to carry me _everywhere_ and Archie would make fun of me all the time. But I'd still kick his dorky little butt in a race. Even if I had to drag myself by my tongue. That boy is so slow that snails run into him. And he still hasn't figured out I like him. Dunce.

Anyways, still hungry. I figure if Mr. Shadow was out to get me, he would've done so, and I guess it isn't Meleager because The Husband would be cuddling with me right now.

I felt the bed around me just to be sure. Mr. Shadow in the corner moved.

"Foood?" I asked. Wow, my voice sounds _horrible_. All scratchy, and it makes my throat itch. And I hate that feeling because I've never been able to get my hand far enough inside my mouth to itch it, and no little kid I've bribed with money or candy has been willing it help either. The world is full of jerks. And I happen to want to date one of them.

Mr. Shadow, as I had (not) assumed, was actually a Miss Shadow, and was Athena. The goddess smiled down at me, saying something like 'you will be just fine' and patting me on the head before leaving. I know I'll be jus fine! I want food! Now!

I was trying to contact my non-existent legs from Belly Abyss so I could get to the kitchen, and beginning to think that dragging myself by my tongue would be faster, when the door flew open and a purple-haired son of a snail and a slug practically leapt on top of me.

"Atlanta!" Archie near-shrieked in his high-pitched squeal of delight. Wow, I'm not sure if Neil hits that note in his own pretty-boy screech.

As annoying and crushing me as he was, I was sure happy to not see him trying to spear the neighbors because they clipped their grass too much- which he had tried once or twice because they had been clip-clipping on one of his _bad_ days.

"Dork!" I hugged him back, "I need food, now. Carry me."

Archie pulled away, staring at me like I was some lump with no limbs, which I was, "Are you kidding me? You have perfectly fine legs," suddenly his ears turned a shade pink and he shook his head, "p-perfectly _normal_ legs, and you weigh too-" I punched him in the gut with the fist from the Belly Abyss before he could finish. He'd started out being cute by being all embarrassed, but then had turned into a total jerk. Same old Archie.

"Well help me up," I growled. I was ready to punch him again, if he even _smelled_ about me being too heavy. I've seen him carry Jay away from a fight! And trust me, that guy is solid muscle and _he_ weighs a lot. Not fatty, just pure, hard, rippling… dog-like and gets hammered on eggnog, muscle. Wow, I need to stop thinking about Jay. I want a dog even more now.

Archie just shook his head, "I'll find you something, you're not supposed to be out of bed." For the first time I realized he had a bruise on his arm. Which wasn't covered by his hoodie, because he wasn't wearing his hoodie. He was wearing… clothes I'd never seen him wear before.

"What happened, after I… passed out?" I asked.

He shrugged, and I bet I'm going to get some stupid man-summary, "We beat Cronus, got a little roughed up, and Theresa punched me real hard when she found out why you'd been hit by a car and run over nearly three times in a row."

"So that's where the bruise is from? And who carried me away?" I asked, my throat was so scratchy and itchy I wanted to claw it out.

Archie shrugged and his ears turned pink again, "I-I did." Oh, he could carry me then and he couldn't now. He deserved a harder punch, but I guess I'll let him get away with the meager one I gave him already.

"Whatever," I sighed, "I just need food. Now."

I closed my eyes as he left and sank back into the pillows. Soft, and fluffy, and not hairy, heavy or muscled like the last time I remember waking up with Meleager cuddling me. I opened my eyes and looked around quickly to reassure myself he wasn't there. I feel warm and fuzzy inside! Save for the Belly Abyss wanting to devour my soul it was so hungry, but the warm fuzzy feeling of being in my PJ's in a soft bed and having someone else fetch me food to eat while I was in bed… it was awesome! Besides the… headache and the hunger and the bruises and cuts I could feel just waiting to scream at me. I don't want to move now. Moving will hurt too much.

I could hear people talking and moving around outside, though I had no idea what they were saying and I couldn't match the voice to the face, so there was no potential eavesdropping.

Archie came back with a blur of long red hair and Theresa nearly killed me when she hugged me, as my cemented head suddenly went 'guahg!' and the Belly Abyss tried to swallow her and I couldn't breathe. Archie pried her off me and then the two of them sat me up and fluffed my pillows and sat me up. Oh great, _two_ nannies.

They sat on the bed beside me, Archie on my right and Theresa on my left. When I tried reaching for the food, at least with my mind as I was still too scared to see if I had a stump of an arm, Theresa picked up a bowl of porridge and held it out of reach. She stirred it slowly and she grinned up at me. Oh no, please, I know that look on her face! She couldn't possibly be trying to-

The spoon of porridge that she shoved in my face so roughly tasted so good that any thought I had before was lost. Save for the feeling of embarrassment of being spoon-fed in front of Archie.

"You're not ready to be eating on your own yet, okay, Lan? I've also made Archie swear not to tease you about this or use it against you, so no worries," Theresa smiled kindly. Oh, yeah, Therri, you _always_ know what to do, eh? Did it ever bother you that just _thinking_ about Archie while being spoon-fed was a blow to my ego? My pride? My self esteem? Out the window. Archie's not-quite-a-taunting-smirk-but-not-quite-kindly didn't help either. Why was he acting so strange?

He was just sitting there, with his hair only slightly-gelled and looking rather eye-eggnogly again. He was wearing a black turtle-neck tank-top and, wow, relatively tight jeans considering the baggy things he wears the fit families of five. I've never known Archie to dress like that. And yet… the small rip on the lift thigh, the shirt… the fading on the knees, I could see the faded pen doodles on his right leg that I'd done in math when I was bored…

"Hey!" I shouted through a mouthful of porridge, so it came out more like 'Bhey!', "Thode ar by clodes!"

Theresa made a choking sound and stared at Archie and Archie leapt up and was looking at the clothes as if they were some alien growth on his body. And considering the look on his face, they probably were.

"B-but they were in my bag!" he stammered, "why were your clothes in my bag?"

"Lide I'd dknow! I'b been sleebing…" I finished swallowing my porridge, "this whole time! You're the one who took my clothes!"

"Did not! Why would I want to wear your crummy clothes? I was wondering why they were so tight anyways!" Archie plucked at the shirt for further effect.

I threw myself back on the pillow in an exhausted heap, "Whatever. I hardly wear them anyways."

But now Theresa's giggling had reached our ears and the two of us turned to her for further explanation.

"A-Archie's wearing… _girls_ clothes!" she burst out, laughing harder.

I started laughing along with Theresa- and I sounded like some dying cat- as Archie's ears turned a new shade of red and his cheeks pink. He didn't say anything, but leaned over the bed and snatched the porridge from Theresa's hand and stuffed a large, lumpy spoonful into my face. I chocked and made some random punches to try and hit him, and Theresa dove across the bed to attack him, and the two of us managed to shove him off the bed. Somehow he escaped without porridge on him, and stuck his tongue out at us.

"Real mature, Archie," Theresa rolled her eyes at him. I nodded and then I stuck my tongue out back at him when Theresa wasn't looking.

"Whatever," Archie rolled his eyes, "I just want to know who put _these_ clothes in my bag, and what happened to _my_ clothes."

I was about to reply when the door flew open and a billion pounds of man-muscle flew in, screaming and crying.

"MY WIIIFFFEEEE!"

Kill me now.

I remember screaming and trying to jump onto the ceiling before being smothered in Husband.

"Oh my wife, my darling, beautiful wife! I am so happy and ecstatic that you are alive!" Ecstatic? He better not have touched my How-To-Annoy-Odie-With-Big-Words book! But ow! He's heavy! Not even the Belly Abyss can suck him up, and not like it'd want to anyways.

"Geddof! I'm injured enough already!" Pushing him away was like trying to steal from Neil's 'secret' stash of jelly beans. When he wanted to, that boy could be brilliant and deadly at the same time. Herry, Odie and I almost didn't get out alive.

"Atlanta?" Oh great, another one to leap on top of me. Pan's horns and dreadlocks appeared over Meleager's huge shoulders, "well… glad to see you awake." He gave me his stupid inside-melting smile and I turned to gush.

"Oi, Meleager, get off her- you're going to kill her at this rate," Archie snapped, holding a bowl of fruit salad away from Pan's suddenly-interested gaze. Dork and Goat pulled T. Thighs off me and I breathed in precious air.

"I'm guessing the party's still on," I croaked.

Pan nodded, "Yeah, no one wanted to leave with you still out, and everyone is enjoying the party anyways. So we decided to wait until you woke up before we started really partying again." He pulled on his adorable blue hat.

"Here, 'Lan, need a drink?" Theresa picked up a sippy-cup for me. I rolled my eyes. This was so not fair. I took the cup anyways, relieved beyond relief to see I still had an arm and hand and all five fingers to grab it with, and took a sip. And nearly spat it all out.

"What is this?"

"Eggnog," Theresa shrugged, not understanding how much I despised the egg of nog.

I was suddenly aware of Jay at the door. He was grinning, at me, but on a second look I realized he was staring at my cup.

"Welcome back Atlanta!" he cried, coming forwards to give me a hug. I handed the eggnog to Theresa as he hugged me, and it was a sincere hug, but I also saw him reach for the eggnog in the corner of my eye.

"Thanks. So far that's been the closest to a normal hug I've had," I smiled. Jay grinned, but upon realizing the eggnog was out of reach, I saw him trying to suppress a frown. Poor kid is _really_ addicted. When Theresa saw his glancing at the 'nog, she shook her head.

"No, Jay, none for you. You've had yours," she said sternly, shaking her finger at him. Jay frowned, slid off me, and stalked out of the room, grumbling.

Silence. No one spoke as we all looked at one another. Then I happened to catch Archie's eye and we both started cracking up.

"I feel so loved" I laughed.

"We-we've been restricting his a-amount of egg-eggnog, and he n-not h-happy about it," Archie tried to explain, gasping for breath between laughs. I fell back on the bed, grinning stupidly.

"How l-long have I been out?" I turned to Theresa, who was looking at the eggnog with a thoughtful expression. I wonder if she's thinking about what would happen if she wore eggnog-perfume. Or bathed in eggnog. Or… I shuddered, I'm going to stop thinking now.

I poked her and she jumped, "How long have I-"

"I'm not covered in eggnog!" she shrieked.

"…been…out…"

I noted Jay's head popping back into the room. Theresa's face was redder than my hair and brighter then a laser pointer. Those are actually a lot of fun. I should give Jay a carton of eggnog and then see if he'll chase one. Oh what fun. I should also teach him to fetch too.

"I… can see that…" Pan said slowly. Archie was holding the cup of fruit salad high above his head, and Pan had him pinned against the wall with one hand and was trying to grab the fruit cup with the other. Mel was sitting on the ground beside the bed and staring at me.

"Oh…" Theresa said quietly. She glared at the eggnog sippy-cup in her hand and with a cry/shout of frustration hurled it at the wall. Jay moved faster than I ever thought I could, made a flying catch _with his teeth_ and skidded across the floor.

"NO!" Everyone cried.

But Jay had downed the entire cup and almost the actual sippy-cup with it before Meleager could rip the plastic from Jay's jaws. Jay sighed happily and sank back into the carpet.

"Great," Theresa sighed.

"He's all yours," Archie called, just keeping the fruit-cup from Pan's snatching hand.

I rolled off the bed, just catching my feet underneath me. Wow, I guess I am in one piece.

"Okay, Archie, give the cup to Pan, I don't want it. Fruits are for sissy's. I want real food, so Mel, go get me some water and cookies, now. And I want to get into some real clothes so I can actually look normal. And Arch, keep the clothes, I don't want them anymore and you look better then I do in them."

Archie made some gurgling sound which I assume was an attempt to yell at me, and Pan grabbed the cup and literally inhaled everything. Theresa was picking up Jay and Mel had fled to fetch me cookies and water. Alright, I'm about ready to go back out into that mess of a party and face gods, nymphs, satyrs, the Husband, Dog-Jay, Evil and still continue my search for a boyfriend. And only a few more days until Christmas.

Bring it on!

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So here we go! Atlanta's back on her feet, Archie's cross-dressing, Jay is still drunk-like, Theresa's hallucinating and the party continues.

Hope you enjoyed!

Demenior


	10. Kisses

With cookies, water and a sickening feeling in my belly and the Belly Abyss quiet, for now, I now feel ready to leave the room. Archie was still plucking at his clothes- which were actually mine but have somehow ended up in his bag- and still looking upset about wearing girls clothes. Pan was licking the fruit bowl for all he was worth, and still looking absolutely adorable. Meleager was sitting beside my bed and staring at me, and I had the blankets pulled up to my chin and all the pillows piled up on his side to try and stop his stare. Jay and Theresa were sitting against the wall, or at least Theresa was. Jay was lying on his back and getting his leg in a frenzy as Theresa hesitantly scratched his belly with the most horrifying mixture of fear and pure glee on her face that I have ever seen.

"…so how long _have_ I been out?" I asked, waiting to duck. The last time I asked this Theresa blurted out her most inner thoughts, and I do **not** need any more mental scarring.

"It has been a pair of nights and an era of agony awaiting to see you awake again my love! I suffered endlessly in the despair I may never see your sunburn-colored hair in the wind again!" Meleager cried from behind the Great Pillow Wall.

Okay, he'd definitely been in Archie's poetry, and wasn't doing a good job of flattering me. Is my hair really sunburn-colored? I always thought it was kinda blood/fire-hydrant red. I avoided slithering all the way back under the covers and glared at Archie.

"…so how long?"

"A night, a day and another night," came Pan's muffled reply from the bowl.

"Wow… that's… a long time." Everyone nodded, only half-listening to what I was saying. I rolled my eyes and decided to get up. Oooh. Fuzzy sweater is veeerryy nice. I'll have to remember to thank Pan for grabbing it, once we're out of earshot of Archie because Super-Archie can't stand Pan-Man being around Damsel-Lanta alone. Go figure, he's jealous of other guys and doesn't even make a move on me.

I was petting the sweater as I moved to the door. Almost heading out, I stopped and looked up. No mistletoe. Thank goodness. I almost walked out before getting a better idea.

"Hey, Meleager. Can you go outside and look around for some mistletoe? I'm allergic and I'll die if I go near it."

I didn't even see him leave. He almost literally climbed the walls and was looking so hard he might've burned holes in the walls. I calmly walked behind him. Archie and Pan followed, Archie now trying to rip the fruit bowl from Pan's chompers and Pan was _not _going to let go. Theresa followed with Jay trailing behind us on all fours.

Just thinking about how we must look, I started getting the giggles again and by the time we were at the end of the hallway I was full out laughing, while everyone stared at me like the madwoman I probably was.

I was two steps from the bottom of the stairs with one foot in the air when I was attacked by the NOH of the Noah group. Herry and Odie hugged me tight, Herry lifting me in the air and Odie hugging my legs, and even Neil came over to pat my shoulder. OH kept blubbering on about how glad they were to see me up and alive and laughing. I didn't have the heart to kill them right then. I heard Jay scream 'HUGZ' and he leapt on top of us, and thanks to me being on the stairs and Herry's precarious balance, we all tumbled over in a heap of me, pretty-boy, teddy, afro and dog.

Mealeager was overturning couches and throwing nymphs and satyrs out of his way in his hunt for mistletoe. I dragged myself out of the pile of men, if you count Neil as one, and dusted myself off as I stood. Archie nudged me quite roughly as he passed.

"I'm going for a drink, be back in a few," he said as he walked. Wow, his silly-looking Dork-walk looked even funnier in those tight girl-jeans. The scariest part was, he looked good in them and they fit him better then they did me. I think I have another point to prove to Theresa that Archie has bigger hips then mine.

Rubbing my side, I made to turn away, and that was when I realized there was mistletoe above the kitchen doorway Archie was headed for. I almost called out to warn him, but he deserves not being warned. That nudge was a man-jab to the appendix! Instead, I decided to watch. Ha, if he doesn't see it I'll give him a kiss. With my elbow. Right into his spleen. Now I _want_ him to get caught under the mistletoe.

Of course, Archie's an idiot and didn't see it. He was walking under and I was about to run over to tell him what he just did, when a few nymphs squealed. The pack was on the move! I jumped, and so did Archie, and I think he finally just noticed what he'd done because he looked up and went white. The nymphs hit him like a tsunami and they all fell into the kitchen. Sucker, he got what he deserves. That's karma Archie! And I am not one bit jealous that he's probably getting smooched up by a bunch 'o beautiful, immortal, perfect, tall, fair-skinned, soft-haired nymphs. Not jealous at all.

Okay, now I'm leaving. Let Archie stay with his pack of mistle-nymphs. Haha, that sounds like Missile-Nymphs. MN's on the prowl!

Note to self: stop letting your mind wander. Your sanity suffers when it gets lost.

"I think we should leave him another few minutes," Pan said, appearing beside me. He was nodding back to where Archie had gone down, "at least, we'll save him before the nymphs tear him apart… too much."

Of course, Pan was too kind to let anything _really_ bad happen to Archie, but the two of them _did_ have a long-standing rivalry… over me.

I scowled, "No. Let him have his stupid MN's. I don't care if they do tear him apart."

Pan laughed, "Are you _jealous_, Atlanta? All they're doing is following the code of mistletoe, nothing really bad. Besides, Archie's too afraid of anything with lips and hips to do anything but run screaming like a baby."

It was so horribly true that I found myself laughing with Pan. Wow do I love his laugh.

"Bad Jay! Heel! Heel, boy!" Theresa shrieked as Jay went burning past on all fours, taking with him what looked like one of Theresa's shoes in his mouth.

I heard someone whistle and Jay turned on his heel and sprang over the back of the couch and nearly smack into Medellia's lap. She smiled and scratched his head.

"Good Jay! I think you get a hug," she cooed at him. _Oohhh_, she is so in for it! I made to go after Medellia, as she and Jay hugged each other, but I caught Theresa's eye from across the room and she shook her head. Using our amazing girl-hand-talk, Theresa made some motions that I did not understand at all. And from what I tried to understand, she wanted me to sniff a polar frog in Madagascar on a rainbow midnight between Friday and Blaasday.

"She wants us to leave," I told Pan. He nodded and the two of us headed out, Pan asking how I knew what she wanted and me telling him it was for girls to know and for goats to never find out.

"So… how've you been lately?" I said awkwardly. The more we walked, the better Pan was looking.

"Good. Growing trees, cleaning rivers. Protesting… with some flower power, you know. That sort of stuff," he smiled as he talked.

"Oh, well, yeah," I've never felt so tongue-tied before. We walked in silence. I don't think I've ever seen this part of the Brownstone before, or maybe it's just all the horrible Christmas decorations everywhere.

"Hey… Atlanta?" Pan said quietly.

"Yeah?" I slowed a bit to stay beside him. I like going fast, even when I'm walking.

"You know… the first time we met we got off on the wrong foot, and I never did get to tell you… but I really do think you are beautiful. It wasn't only Cronus's hypnotism that brought me to you." He gave me the inside-melting smile and I felt my insides turn to gush… and that was a crazy déjà vu right there.

"Umm… thank you?" How do you respond to that?

He hardly seemed to hear me, "I… I almost didn't come to the party, knowing that, well, you guys are probably still sore about that whole take-over-the-world thing, but I wanted to see you again. The truth is, Atlanta, I miss you. I miss _us_. I miss what we had, you know?"

We stopped walking. Wow. What am I supposed to saaayyy? I don't know how to handle these things! Why isn't Theresa around to coach me right now?

"Well… what… 'We' were great… but… I mean… like I still…" I took in a deep breath, and almost came up with some great speech that would make everything better, "I don't know. I forgot what I was going to say."

Pan laughed, "That's what I miss! You're such an amazing person, 'Lan, and we share so many common interests and you're… you. You're not like anyone I've ever met before."

I shifted on my feet nervously. I've never been praised like that before. Stupid Archie always puts me down and the Husband makes me die a little more inside every time I smell him.

Fuzzy-Fuzzy Sweater was starting to get really hot. Absentmindedly I tugged at the neckline. Why _was_ it so hot in here? It's winter for crying out loud!

"I…" what can I say? "thanks? I… well, yeah. Thank you." Geeze-Louise! I can't speak anymore.

I did what I knew I could do and tried walking again. My knees were almost like jello and I felt like I was falling in every step. I was moving down the hallway slowly, Pan matching me step for step. His hooves clicked on the floor. Fuzzy-Fuzzy was getting so hot I think I was going to end up as the roast turkey this year.

Somewhere in the background I heard Archie screaming for help, and the sound of nymphs giggling and chattering and squealing swallowed the sound. And many crashes that are made by furniture falling over when one is trying to outrun a pack of Missile-Nymphs. I looked at Pan, thank you Achilles for having a descendant with a shriek loud enough to save me from this awkward moment.

"Shall we save him?" I asked.

"If we must," Pan shrugged.

Together we ran back down the hallway to save Archie, though I tried to stay just a step behind.

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Jay was barking and racing around, hugging ankles and leaping onto unsuspecting victims with his harmful glomps of affection. Medellia and Theresa followed not too far behind, Medellia with a cup of eggnog and Theresa with a giant bone from the turkey Athena had been butchering earlier. For now Jay was ignoring their calls to him, and their glares at each other.

The mass of MN's seemed to have grown. I almost decided _not_ to help Archie, but it was the right thing to do. Jerk-Dork or not. Pan and I plunged into MN's up to our waists and were trying to dig through them, calling for Archie. I can't hear him anymore. Is that a good sign? Pan was almost taken under, but I grabbed his flailing hand and pulled him out of the undercurrent of MN's.

"I can't see him Pan! Where is he?" I shouted over the music, barks and squeals.

"I don't know. I thought he'd be right here, but he might have drifted off somewhere. It's almost impossible to see anything," Pan shouted back.

Something grabbed my ankle, a hand! It had to be Archie! I took a deep breath and plunged into the MN's. The hand was still grabbing at me, and I caught it. Stupid dork. Missile-Nymphs closed overtop of me and blocked out the last of Pan's calling me back. I swam through and found myself face-to-face with Meleager.

"My wife I… -must leave and seek safety from the dangers… -found more nearby that… -love your manly arms!" Meleager cried at me. I only heard half of what he said, and it sounds like he's _leaving_?

The gods _**do**_ care about me!

"Aw, too bad," I forced out. Hey, I'm not _completely_ heartless. But I couldn't help doing a Happy-Dance in my head, "Titan- I mean, Meleager, have you see Archie?"

Meleager stared at me like I had a second head. I rolled my eyes. Stupid idiot. I scrunched up my face in a scowl and stuck two fingers up on my forehead. Meleager's eyes widened.

"The boy-girl who wears your clothes? With the hair of horns of the fragrance of lavender?" I almost burst out laughing. Almost. But Atlanta is in serious mode!

…then again. How does Meleager know how Archie's hair smells? Even I don't know how it smells. I'm very scared now.

A goat-send hand came from above and grabbed me, pulling me out of the MN's and away from Meleager. I heard him crying 'farewell' before I saw Pan's glorious, not-Meleager's, worried face. And I couldn't help it; I just had to do my Happy Dance. The Husband is lea-ving! The Husband is lea-ving! I threw my arms around Pan in joy.

"A-Atlanta…" Pan mumbled quietly.

"He's finally leaving, Pan! I'm freeee! The Husband is lee-heee-viing!" I laughed, trying to dance around in the MN's. I almost fell over.

"A-Atlanta!" Pan snapped, holding my hands and keeping me upright. I dance a while before he squeezed my wrists.

"What?" Why is he ruining my Happy Dance? Not cool, Pan, not cool!

Pan pulled me to him as he stepped forwards and our faces were so close our lips were almost touching. His soul patch and nose were tickling my face.

"You're under mistletoe, Atlanta," he said. I hardly had time to say 'oh' before he kissed me.

And you know what? It was great. Nothing like that accidental kiss I gave Archie, and certainly nothing like those head-swallowing things Meleager had tried to give me, and not a big wet kiss from Jay. It's so wrong that a half-goat kisses better then any of the guys around her, but it felt so right. I melted into Pan and threw my arms around his neck. _Take that Archie_ my inner Atlanta hissed.

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Uh-oh!

So where is Archie? Is he still lost in the currents of MN's? Is Meleager really leaving? Is Atlanta going to pick Pan? Who will Jay hug next? And what about the others? How are Odie, Herry and Neil faring? Will Atlanta make it out of the party alive, and with a boyfriend? Or is it now a billy-goatfriend? Who knows!

But this is my Christmas gift to everyone, I hope you enjoy! I'll try to update this on a more regular basis, and I'm so sorry for the long wait between chapters. I don't know if there will be an update until the New Year, and if that's the case 'Merry Christmas' (or whichever holiday it is you celebrate) and a Happy New Year from Demenior!

Love from,

Demenior


	11. Hopelessly Training Jay Smexily

You'd be surprised how hard it actually is to find Archie. He's wearing that giant brace which is basically like a giant, neon Las Vegas that is saying 'Instant Death If You Hit Me Here', _and_ he has purple hair. But my head was still spinning from Pan's kiss earlier and I couldn't concentrate on much.

It was only the Code of Mistletoe, nothing more then that and I was much happier that Pan had kissed me then any of the other _things_ that could have seen me. So why was my heart beating so fast? Like, a machine gun going off inside me that was shattering my resolve against boys being more then friends.

_Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk_

BAM! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'RE GOIN' DOOOOOOWWWNNNN.

Okay, my status as being single would be going down. I hoped _I_ was not.

So had this dramatically altered all my plans for finding a… dare I say it, _Goat_friend this holiday? Had I found him?

There was no sign of Archie in the living room. The MN's had vanished into their hiding spots, waiting for the next sucker to come through the doorway. This was not good. Had they smooched him out of existence? I was glad I still had Fuzzy-Fuzzy Sweater on, as chills now swept through me. What happened to my stupid Dork? Who would I insult now?

"Well, I've got no idea where he went," Pan said, strolling over to me. He was dusting off his hands as if he'd been tossing boulders and trees aside in a manhunt for Archie. It was kinda cute. I pulled Fuzzy-Fuzzy over my face to dilute Pan's smile. He gave me a sideways glance and I grinned at him from under my fuzziness.

"Maybe the ferocious Archie has gone into hibernation," Pan teased, grinning coyly, "I wouldn't be surprised if the next time I saw him he was fat and gathering food to feed his young."

I couldn't help but laugh at the image of roly-poly Bearchie. Especially with babies. I wonder whose animal babies he would have.

Jay, barking and howling with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, ran past. Still on all fours. I'm amazed his legs haven't cramped yet.

Suddenly the images of baby dog-bears frolicking in a field was in my mind. I bombed the field before that thought could continue.

"Lannie! Which way did Jay go?" Theresa begged, running into the room. Pan and I both pointed and she took off shouting for Jay to heel. Frankly, I needed something to do, so I ran after her. I needed to be away from Pan.

We caught Jay trying to dig a hole down in the laundry room. He'd already torn up one of Herry's shirts and dumped the lint basket all over.

"No! Stop! Bad dog- Jay! Bad!" Theresa shouted. Jay seemed to only get more excited at the sight of her and started tearing around the room, knocking everything down. I wouldn't be surprised if the foundations went too.

I whistled and pointed to the spot in front of my feet, "Jay _come_!" That was the most commanding voice I could muster, and it sounded a little scary to me. Surprisingly, Jay did exactly as he was told and sat at my feet. I grabbed him by the back of his shirt to keep him from running off.

I felt an overwhelming sense of power as I gave my orders, "Theresa- go get one of Neil's collars from that Goth shoot he did a while ago, Pan, get me a skipping rope. This boy needs obedience training."

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Yes, Jay, my _human_ leader who is completely drunk due to non-alcoholic beverages and is now acting like an affectionate, hyperactive dog, needs obedience training.

'Oh, I knew a dog was too much responsibility for you! I should never have let you keep it,' the Mother complained in my head.

Since everywhere in the house was filled with creatures and activities, we headed outside to find the party had expanded into the back yard. Which brings us into the back alley beside the house

I stood with Jay, in his spiky black collar with the rainbow-colored skipping rope tied to said collar, pulled taut to keep him at my side. Theresa stood down the way from us while Pan was leaning against the fence and watching in curiosity, though I noticed he was watching _me_ a bit more then he was watching me _train_ Jay.

"Okay, sit boy," I commanded, though I had to look up to see his face. Jay squatted beside me and looked up with a big grin. I patted him on the head. I nodded at Theresa and she patted her knees.

"Come, Jay!" she called.

Hahaha, that's something you shouldn't be saying to your boyfriend in public, a new voice- I instantly named Smexi due to the inappropriate comment. I tried not to think about what she'd just said because I'd start blushing.

Jay took off like a rocket, nearly taking my arm off with the skipping-rope-leash and he charged at Theresa. He leapt up and tackled her to the ground in a massive _Glomp a la Jay_.

"No! Bad Jay! Off- off!" she was laughing, somewhat hysterically, as Pan and I pried Jay off her.

"_Bad_ Jay! You do _not_ tackle-hug people!" I wagged my finger in his face and Jay suddenly looked so sad I wanted to hug him.

Oh, he was devious. Smexi and Mother- completely contrasting- were arguing in my head over good and bad influences.

"Jay, sit," I said again. He obeyed- which was good. He knew one command already.

"Okay, now, Jay _stay_," I said, beginning to back away while loosely holding the leash. I got about three steps before Jay leapt at me.

"No Jay! Down!" I shouted, and he skidded to a halt in front of me, "_**stay**_." I started backing away again.

You're got this boy _whipped_. I like that, Smexi said.

This is a bad boy for you! Get rid of 'em before it's too late! Mother was very upset. And really annoying me on how her opinion of Jay was constantly changing.

After more failed attempts of me trying to get Jay to stay, we had Theresa hold his leash while I commanded stay, backed away, and then called him to come to me- which Smexi loved- but this didn't work. Jay was usually too busy tackling Theresa over, or just hugging her legs, to pay attention to me.

So then we switched to Pan holding Jay's leash. Theresa sat in the trunk of Herry's truck to watch, holding an ice pack to her head. Jay seemed to think Pan was another dog- or animal of some sort- and was either trying to bite Pan's goat-legs or sniff his rear. Pan did not appreciate that much at all.

Which leads us to our current idea, tying Jay's wrists and ankles down with vines, courtesy of Pan, and then making him stay. He was surprisingly flexible for a boy his age, especially a boy his age who always seemed to have a stick shoved up his you-know-where, and always seemed to slip out of the vines and charge for Theresa. We were worried about hurting him if we went any tighter, so that idea failed.

Pan and I were keeping Jay from leaping onto the truck, where Theresa had climbed on top of and was sporting many bruises and swollen bumps, and she was shouting for Jay to get down and stop. Oh, it's not that Jay means to hurt her, or Theresa's a wimp, Jay is a tall, well-built almost seventeen year old boy. Full of well-trained muscle, which makes him rather heavy. And leaping full-force onto his almost-in-love-with-him crush, Theresa, who is as strong as any of the guys, but is also a girl and thus built slimmer thus easier for a guy like Jay to tackle onto the hard ground or hard truck, really hurts. I'd be running too if Jay were tackle-hugging me.

But you'd rather be goat-hugged, Smexi giggled.

I pulled a little too harshly on Jay's leash and brought him to the ground.

"I give up! This is hopeless!" I fell down beside Jay and he whimpered, so I scratched him behind the ear.

Then I heard a voice I hadn't heard in a _long_ time, "Oh! But you musn't give up hope!"

Theresa, even Jay, and myself all snapped our heads up and were shocked to see Hope stepped out of the back gate. But this was not the cute, innocent little Hope I remembered, now she was grown-up, filled out _hot_ Hope. And she was clinging to Archie like she had when she was… 'younger', and most obviously unaware of the effect her teenaged body was having, as Archie's ears were as red as a fire truck and Pan was staring and Jay was panting.

"Bad Jay!" I yanked his leash hard enough to wind him, effectively knocking Pan in the side with my fist as I did so. They seemed to snap out of it.

I was actually shocked to see Archie. Considering we hadn't found him earlier, I was kinda thinking he'd just disappeared. Disappeared, forever. Which would suck, I guess.

I know what else su- _DOWN Smexi, down!_

Hope skipped over, pulling Archie with her and beamed that hopeful, pretty smile of hers. Well, my heart was practically racing and I'm not ashamed to admit she was stunningly _beautiful_. How was I supposed to compare to that? Looks like my choice has been made for me, folks. I get Pan.

"I hope maybe we can help," Hope said, extending a hand.

Despite the fact that she'd just stolen my best friend, and potential boy friend from me, I couldn't feel angry at her bright face. I took her hand and she helped me up. I eagerly handed her the leash and Jay was looking between Theresa and Hope nervously.

Hope walked away from us, though her walk was so light she looked like she was skipping or floating or something like that, and Jay obediently followed. Theresa, unable to be jealous just like me, hopped off of Herry's truck and went to help Hope out.

I realized pretty quickly why I couldn't feel angry at her. Hope had no intention of stealing any boys away, she was simply just so hopeful and innocent and _gorgeous_ that she unknowingly drew people to her. It was the boys Theresa and I should be worrying about.

I was shocked that Pan got up to help Hope and Theresa, leaving me with Blushing Dork.

"Hey," I said slowly.

"Hey," he rubbed the back of his neck- a sure sign he was nervous.

"So… when did Hope show up?" I nodded towards her, feeling a small smile wanting to come on as I heard her laughing at Jay trying to hug her.

"Probably with everyone else," Archie replied, "she, uh, pulled me out of those nymphs- while you and, uh, _him_ were…"

Oh. He had seen me and Pan kissing.

"I was under the mistletoe- forgot it was there. Just, looking for you. Better that Pan found me first, you know? Better then the Husband kis- OHMAN!" my shout made Archie jump and the others look over. Hope was about to throw the golden apple Pan was keeping for Jay to fetch.

"HE'S GONE! THE HUSBAND LEFT! HE'S _GONE_, ARCHIE, _GOOONNEEE_!" I grabbed Archie's hands and danced in a circle.

"Really? Yes!" Archie cheered.

He'd been suffering too, having to watch my back from _two_ other men, so this meant he only had to watch out for Pan. If he could keep his eyes off of Hope long enough.

Theresa cheered, though she had no idea the extent of my suffering. Jay howled, Hope laughed at our silly antics and Pan smiled for me. And immediately I felt bad about holding Archie's hands. I dropped my face and my dance died a little. Archie seemed to take it the wrong was and pulled away awkwardly.

"That's, uh, good for you. I'm… happy- for you," he stuttered.

I sighed, Okay, now to keep my Dork-Buddy and move onto my GoatFriend as there's no more competition.

"_I'm_ happy you weren't smackeroo'd out of existence. Who would I have insulted then?" I gave him a _friendly_ kidney-jab. He grinned and I felt like things were going to be fine between us again.

Then the gods, or Cronus or even satan started laughing at me because someone kicked the gate down and burned out of the backyard screaming,

"MY WIIIFFEEEEE! THERE IS AN OX WOMAN NEEDING YOUR ATTENTION!"

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Welcome back, ACM.

And Meleager. And Oxy. And welcome Hope!

So can Atlanta chose Pan, or is Archie still going for her heart? Or will meleager steal her all for himself?

And what about Oxy? What does she want? Why is she at the party? What trouble does this mean for Atlanta now?

And will Jay have to be house-trained? How many times a day has he been walked? That's bad animal care! I don't even think they've groomed him once this story!

And I blame Nuuoa for Smexi's character completely.

-Demenior


	12. Of Santa and INSIDE VOICES

"Young lady, you have no idea what you're getting into- if it wasn't for that charming, young man bringing me here, then you would probably be sold to a scary man as far away as America, and that is a very, very long ways away and a very, very dangerous place, do you understand? Blah, blah, blah, ox noises, blah…"

Yeah, I understand Oxy. Meleager assumed you were a friend of mine after we met at the mall and assumed I had forgotten to invite you and was trying to do a nice thing by bringing you to see me.

The two of us were hiding in the most secluded place in the brownstone. It was filled with many outfits I was sure men shouldn't actually wear, but Neil somehow pulled them all off. Yes, we were in Neil's closet. Remember what I said about that boy and his jellybeans? How lethal he can be when protecting them?

Well, I know all about how to spring those traps, so in case this conversation with Oxy gets nasty, then I can kick-start a booby trap and get away from her before she can grab me and eat me. With jellybeans. And I don't know how she could eat me like that because that would actually be disgusting.

I pushed aside something that looked frighteningly like leopard-print tights and stared Oxy in the face.

"Listen, I really don't want to talk to you and there's no reason for you to be here. I'm perfectly fine, perfectly healthy and I _know_ where America is, thank you. I go to sccchhhhooooooollll. And I'd like to point out that _Australia_ is much further away than America from here. Are you happy now? Can you _leave_ now?" I know I'm being a little harsh, but she needs to hear the truth or she'll _never_ leave.

I can actually just picture Jay leading us into battle with Cronus and Oxy running in, taking all of our weapons, and giving up sanitary wipes as they are much safer and cleaner for us. And then we'd beat Cronus because he'd kill himself laughing and then reveal Oxy to be his greatest creation of destruction.

This new train of thought made me look at Oxy under a whole new light. What if she was a spy for Cronus? She _was_ trying to split me from the group, which would make us six. Not seven. We need seven to beat Cronus and without me we can't beat Cronus. She breathed heavily out her nose and it sounded ridiculously like an ox snorting.

"Young lady I am here to help you. Can't you understand that, please? You don't need to keep up your tough attitude. You can talk with me, young lady," Oxy reached out a large hand and placed it on my shoulder. I jumped back.

"Look, lady, my name is _At-Lan-Ta_! Not 'young lady' or 'child'. I'm _fifteen_ years old, in high school and I'm graduating in a few years! So _please_, I'm staying here on my parents' request, with my _friends_ who are the nicest people on earth, and we're just having a good, old-fashioned, Christmas party! There's nothing suspicious going on here, go _away_!"

In emphasis of my words, Jay started howling and making a ruckus downstairs like nothing I've ever heard before.

I tore out of Neil's closet faster than I've ever run before with Oxy shouting after me. I nearly kicked down Neil's door and fell down all of the stairs.

"Oh Miss Atlanta! I hope you are alright!" Hope pulled me to my feet. She had Archie on her other arm and he wasn't meeting my eyes. I don't care; he can go like whatever girl he wants now. But ohhhhh, my head! I swear I'm going to end up with brain damage by the time the break is done.

Pan was suddenly by my side and helped walk me over to see what Jay's commotion was all about. We headed to the kitchen, pushing our way through another crowd.

Jay was writhing around on the floor, howling and whimpering and banging his fists on the ground. He was throwing a tantrum. Had I not grown so accustomed to Jay being ridiculously out of character lately, I might have actually started crying in fear.

I could now see what was going on. Hera and Theresa were at the sink, pouring down all of Jay's precious _egg a la nog_. Now that I knew he wasn't being torn to shreds by MN's or Evil, it was kinda funny to watch Jay throw a fit. Man, I don't even want to know how embarrassed he's going to be when he finally pulls himself together.

"Oh I hope he'll be alright," Hope whispered, leaning into Archie who let out a small squeak at a ridiculously beautiful girl pressing too close to him. Pan was standing on my other side and I almost made the same sound as Archie when I felt Pan's calloused, warm fingers wrap around my hand. I never realized how big his hands were, or just how _small_ mine were.

"I'm done," I shivered, looking at Jay. He was lying on his side, 'running' in a circle on the floor and practically crying. Pan nodded quickly and pulled gently on my hand, taking me away from the crowd in the kitchen.

I was burning up under Fuzzy Fuzzy again, but I refused to take it off. To be truthful, I'm a little scared that if I take off Fuzzy Fuzzy Pan will be able to touch my arms and even my shoulders and I might like it too much. I mean, I wanted a boyfriend this Christmas, but I… I don't know just how _much_ of a boyfriend I want.

We sat on the couch. Very close to each other and Pan was still holding my hand. I was a little nervous holding hands, like, if someone saw us, then we would be _official_. I don't know just how okay with that I was.

My mission sounded great at first… and now I don't know about it. Maybe I need to stop rushing head first into these awkward situations and take it easy, stop to smell the roses like everyone else. Which is really hard because I run headlong through life. All the time. The stupid roses should catch up to me.

Okay, I do really, really like Pan and he's an awesome, awesome guy- and he's _so_ much better then stupid Archie- but I'm a little worried he's going to expect me to be more of a girlfriend to him then I know how to be. He won't say anything, of course, but I'll know. Because Theresa will tell me.

The doorbell rang and I leapt to my feet,

"I'll get it!" I shouted to no one, and bolted for the door. I remembered stopping to smell the roses and tried to slow down a little. Archie dashed past me, having the same get-away-from-awkward-situation strategy I did. He reached the door first and I stood behind him, a little curious to see who was at the door now. And the last time I'd answered the door, Meleager had attacked me while I was hypnotized by his golden apple. That can happen to Archie this time and I won't save him. Hahaha! Archie seemed to have the same thoughts I did, and so he opened the door slowly, and both of us peeked out into the cold snow before he opened the door the entire way open.

There was an old man standing on our doorstep. He looked like a breeze would knock him over. His limbs were sticks, his face gaunt and sunken, his knuckles stood out. He was paler than Archie- and that's saying something- and looked washed-out. He was also wearing a ridiculously red costume, which was fading so it was grey-ish, that looked horridly familiar. It was a Santa Claus outfit. When I looked into this old man's face, saw the eyes and the smile devoid of all emotion a chill crept up my spine.

Thanatos greeted, "Hello child-"

And Archie slammed the door shut in his face. Considering he was the god of _death_, that probably wasn't a very good idea. But then again, he was the scary-as-all-get-out god of **death**. Who happened to have a soft spot for the seven of us and liked to drop in every so often and treated us like grandchildren. He'd taken _all_ of our ancestors (save Hercules) to the Underworld, as well as family pets, grandparents, cousins in accidents and many more. It was extremely unsettling to say the least. And the worst part is what he wanted to be called…

Archie and I were both shaking, too scared for screaming or running around like headless chickens. I heard Archie gulp loudly and reach forwards and open the door. Thanatos was still standing there with the same expressionless face and disturbing costume on.

"That was an amusing joke," he said in monotone.

"G-Grampy Thanny!" Archie shouted, and I could hear him forcing himself not to scream as he invited Thanatos in and accepted an uncaring and cold hug from the old man.

Of all the people, monsters and creatures that Odie and Herry could have _not_ invited- Thanatos should have been at the top of their list.

"Hello little Atlanta, are you having fun?" he said as he approached.

"Yes G-Grampy Thanny. And I- I'm so scar- happy to see you!" The hug was like hugging an iceberg. Of bones.

"I am glad to see you are taking good care of yourselves. Now let us go join this festival."

Just the way he talked made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

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The rest of the gang had pretty much the same reaction to Grampy Thanny as Archie and I did. Pan was actually brave enough to approach Grampy Thanny himself and shake hands. Maybe it has something to do with the immortals not dying, but none of the immortals seemed scared by Grampy Thanny. Bunch 'o freaks.

I thought this was the strangest part of the party yet. Even beyond Jay getting drunk, beyond Hope being all grown up, beyond Oxy trying to take me to a foster home, beyond a dead man in love with my ancestor trying to marry me and even beyond me having my very own boyfriend.

Grampy Thanny brought all of us children gifts, which he piled underneath the Christmas tree. There was a shockingly large amount of presents now. And I hadn't gotten a single one for anyone. Not even for Archie.

Wait, that's a lie. I got a present- for _myself_. How shallow can I be? Shallower than the deep end- which Archie is still afraid to go in even if there isn't any water in it.

Well, I guess I do have to find time to go shopping now. I wasted my last shopping trip losing my money, hiding in a lingerie store with Archie and Pan, and getting hit by cars.

Thumping and snorting alerted me to Oxy's return. I hid behind Pan. For once, thank my smallness for allowing me to hide. I could hear suspenseful music, like the shark music, playing in my head.

Dun dun. Dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

"Hello friend of my wife!" Meleager said, though everything Meleager said should actually be in caps lock. That man has no inside voice. Since you probably don't understand I'll be sure that the rest that he says is in it's unedited state.

I was waiting for the inevitable crash of Oxy plowing through him, but the music and her footsteps stopped.

"O-oh, hello Charming Young Man," Oxy stuttered. Stuttered? Only because I wasn't looking at her could I hear the slip in her voice. Was Meleager's booming intimidating her? If that was the case I should pull the 'everyone-on-the-team-is-going-vegan' ideal again. I have never heard a louder argument and we only settled it because Athena forbade us to ever discuss it on our own again.

"WHERE ARE YOU OFF TOO FRIEND OF MY WIFE?" Meleager asked charmingly.

"I- I am looking for the litt- the young woman trapped in this ho-house," Oxy _giggled_ at the end of her sentence.

I'm actually really scared now. Oxy should not be giggling. What is going on here? I dared myself to peek; then chickened out. If Oxy saw me it would all be over.

"I SHALL ACCOMPANY YOU IN SAVING THIS CHILD WHO IS ENSNARED BY THE COLD WALLS OF THIS HOUSEHOLD. ONWARD!"

And with that they were off. Galloping and thundering away I heard them roar off into the distance.

"You're safe now," Pan turned to face me, smiling in his way that makes me smile and know that he's teasing me. And unlike when Archie teases me, I don't feel the need to fight back. It's so gentle and calming with Pan.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and it felt so good I could only smile and snuggle closer. Oxy and the Husband were off in the vast unknown of the Brownstone and hopefully they would get lost and remain there. I was here, safe, with the awesomest guy ever-

And my best friend's girlfriend, who was about eight years old the last time we saw her a few months ago, was sitting in his lap and giggling like the eight year old she used to be while hugging him. It would have been completely innocent. If she _was_ still a little girl.

Now she was a fifteen-give-or-take-a-year-old with an absolutely gorgeous body that left little to the imagination as to what any teenage boy would be thinking by just being around her. Hope would really need to learn how to act her age before she drove Archie crazy.

But not my problem. Right now, I have my goatfriend.

"It's really cute how dramatic you get over people like Meleager and that woman," Pan chuckled. His laugh is really low and sexy.

There were people- couples- around us, swaying to the music I hadn't heard until Pan offered me his hand. My happy feeling was sinking away. Atlanta does not do well dancing. Somehow I get even the most basic steps wrong or just look stupid. Pan noticed my apprehension.

"It's alright Atlanta," he smiled with those blindingly white teeth, "I'll teach you as we go."

I never, ever would have let Archie try to teach me to dance. Any other guy-friend I have, maybe. They'd never mock me about it. And I knew for a fact that Pan was the only guy who I would ever allow to teach me anything like dancing, or god forbid, even singing lessons. I trusted him because he was such a genuinely nice person and he'd never tease or insult or laugh at me about it. Why was I ever considering anyone else?

We really didn't move as we danced, just swayed and stepped from side to side. I didn't even care if any of the others, or even Archie, was watching me. They could say all they wanted later, but right now, I was taking in a moment of perfection.

Archie was making strange Archie-sounds from the couch as Hope acted like a little girl in a body too old and too good-looking for her actions to be innocent, and Grampy Thanny was telling an exhausted Theresa nearly passed-out on the couch to be careful of high-risk stunts and activities. Herry and Sybaris were dancing nearby and Sybaris was kissing Herry's neck, and Medellia was flirting with Jay who was leaning against the wall for support. Odie and Calypso were kissing as they danced. It was still a perfect moment.

And I guess Pan sensed it too because he leaned in and kissed me for the second time today. And there was no motivation to save me from MN's this time, or anyone else's lips. This was no slip on water or attack because he thought I was someone I wasn't. This was what it was like to have a boyfriend.

And boy did it feel goo-

"FEAR NOT SMALL MAIDEN, WE ARE HERE TO RESCUE YOU!"

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Lots of fluff and romance…

And Grampy Thanny.

And I swear Jay will be mostly himself for the rest of the stor-

I lied. _Someone_ slipped him s'more eggnog. Excuse me while I keep him from marking his territory again.

-Demenior


End file.
